COLM: Everything ok lads?
BOILING SPUDS: Grand! You can relax a while
*2 seconds later*
BOILING SPUDS: AAAH IT'S A DISASTER WHERE WERE YOU?

— Colm O'Regan (@colmoregan) December 3, 2014

I am fluent in both English and loud/slow English so I can communicate with all nations on earth.

— Louise O'Connor (@oconnola) August 11, 2015

My life is made up of days when I take the wet onions out of the kitchen sink & days when I force them down the plug hole with a knife.

— Carol GPT (@CarolGertrude) July 10, 2014

‘Miaoy’ - Northern Irish cat.

— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) July 7, 2015

http://t.co/RSVuDJEcBk name in Irish is Liam.is.ainm.dom

— Baz (@bazlyons) October 21, 2014

The Pope holds up Communion like he's checking if your €50 note is real pic.twitter.com/h9PnEyliJe

— Derek (@DirkVanBryn) October 25, 2015

Taylor Swift and her mates would 100% report you for not paying your TV licence even if they knew your Da was out of work

— Aoife (@infinityonhi) February 12, 2016

Saddest moment in Irish history commemoration: when the toilet door people had to emigrate pic.twitter.com/JlrKiY79zQ

— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) January 4, 2016

"You come to me, on the day of my daughter's wedding, and ask me to draw you an owl?" - Don Conroy

— Alan (@alan_maguire) August 8, 2015

bouncer: can i see some ID
me: yeah here u go pic.twitter.com/UJhvc4gzm4

— 🙃 (@notjohnmorrin) March 12, 2015

Got asked to help unlock a PDF file today. I said stop wasting your time, we should be concentrating on locking them up.

— Patrick (@PrayForPatrick) December 11, 2013

Me: Bob, it's pronounced CHANGING, not a-changin'.
Bob Dylan: ?
Me: Can someone teach Bob to say CHANGE?
*David Bowie stands up*
Me: Not you

— Sir Michael (@Michael1979) December 3, 2015

Thug mé
Thug tú
Thug sé
Thug sí
Thug life

— Eoin Byrne (@bigbyrne96) April 1, 2015

I reckon we should turn a blind eye to Yanks saying "St. Patty's Day" as long as Irish people keep pronouncing Chicago as "Chicargo".

— Conor Wilson (@ConorWilson) March 16, 2016