Dublin: 14 °C Friday 12 April, 2024
mass hysteria

11 things you'll know if your parents love a good Mass


1. You never voiced any opposition about going to Mass

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That would be inciting World War III. No need to be doing that.

2. And you can’t believe it when people claim they stopped going at 13

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And you’re telling us you weren’t made go? Brought to the car and sat in the pew? Wow.

3. Even now, you’re not sure if you should bring it up

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Call me An Garda Síochána because I am a keeper of the peace.

4. The ‘no meat on Good Friday’ rule is strictly observed

No fear of your mam giving up and making ham sandwiches for lunch.

5. And not a bite is eaten before everyone joins hands and says Grace

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Which caused some awkward moments when your pals came over for dinner.

6. You can never be sure that water bottles lying around the house don’t actually contain holy water

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7. Sending a mass card and lighting a candle were the solutions to any and every problem

That’s the whole reason you passed the driving test, and don’t you forget it.

8. And it was very important to get things blessed

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New cars, houses, roads, pets…  Just to be safe.

9. You played host to many a Stations of the Cross growing up

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10. If you miss a Mass (god forbid), you’re warned to say nothing ‘for the sake of your granny*’

*Insert the potentially scandalised family member of your choice.

11. But if you’re at home for the weekend, you’re getting dragged there no matter what you were doing the night before

Sitting through a particularly long Mass hungover makes all those times you were dragged to Mass as a teenager look positively heavenly.

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