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Dublin: 12 °C Thursday 5 December, 2019
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10 infuriating tips for achieving the perfect humblebrag

It’s a craft.

WE ALL LIKE to brag, but we all like to be humble. Especially in Ireland, bragging is possibly the worst social faux pas at all.

God forbid you’d lose the run of yourself like that.

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So, if you must brag, make it a humble one.

1. Letting everyone know people find you attractive? Throw them off by getting extremely offended by it, masking any potential vanity

2. If mentioning how well you dress, be sure to stick in a self-deprecating comment. Because everyone wears stuff they think is ugly, duh

3. If you do achieve something great, quickly remind others that they aren’t as special, but it’s OK as you sometimes dabble in not being special too

4. Don’t outright brag about your body or that sweet bench press at the gym today. Just call it an ‘awkward moment’ instead. Works every time

5. Blame other people’s shortcomings for forcing you to highlight your achievements. Excellent!

6. Use minuscule first world problems to secretly bring up your location if you want to let people know without a blatant check-in

7. Be sure to express all disbelief at your achievements, mainly as it gives you the opportunity to bring them up

8. Or take the easy way out and just say it’s ‘weird’. Vague is good

9. Never blindly promote any creative work you may have done online. Say you ‘wrote|drew|made a thing’ so it’s cutesy instead of showy-offy. Extending reach is NOT what social media is for

10. Other times, you should just go for it

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