GIRLS RETURNS FOR its sixth and final season this week.
But have you ever thought about what it would be like if it was set in Dublin?
Hannah would be the type of person to attend Trinity… and continue hanging around there for years after graduation.
“Hannah, why are you hanging around the arts block? Didn’t you graduate in 2011? Are you doing a masters?”
“No, why?”
And she would seemingly always have an internship.
“It’s technically unpaid, but it’s really good experience.”
Jessa would swan around doing a bit of modeling for Nine Crows on the side, but have no other discernible source of income.
She would conveniently live in a house on the South Circular Road that her granny left to her and everyone would resent her for it.
Marnie would take up with a member of Keywest in a bid to kickstart her music career.
*cue acoustic covers of rap songs*
Instead of pursuing a career in marketing, Shoshanna would try her hand at being a social influencer.
Her blog would be called Oh Sho Fabulous and would be filled with enthusiastic reviews of cocktail bars and doughnuts. She wouldn’t actually make any money from this venture, but she would justify it by assuring everyone that she was “making contacts”.
Adam would be the type of ~enigmatic~ lad who has nothing on his CV apart from the time he worked in a head shop in 2007.
Some people would say Adam never did his Leaving Cert. Others would say that he actually got 600 points, but eschewed an academic career in favour of getting “real life experience”.
The only thing people would be able to agree on is that he always has skins and filters.
In an act of rebellion, Hannah would date a member of Young Fine Gael.
His name would be Fintan and they would disagree on practically everything, but Hannah would give herself a pat on the back for being open-minded and tolerant of his views.
That scene where Elijah and Hannah get out of their bins and dance to I Love It? They’d actually be dancing to the Five Megamix in Coppers.
Remember when Hannah managed to ride Patrick Wilson after she confessed to putting rubbish from Ray’s coffee shop in his bins?
Here’s how that would have gone down in Dublin: “You put rubbish in my bins? You f**king do that again and I’m calling the council on youse.”
Chris O’Dowd would live in a plush apartment in Ballsbridge having made his money from managing miserable vulture funds.
Ray’s coffee shop would be based in Rathmines and he’d be appalled when better, more hipstery coffee shops start opening around him.
He would be mortally offended at the notion of Irish people buying iced coffee from said hipster coffee shops.
But this is Ireland! Why would anyone drink iced coffee?
Marnie would have a short-lived career as an Irish photocall girl and do promotions for the likes of National Potato Week.
People would constantly be saying, “You love yourself” to Hannah.
And not in the positive Justin Bieber sense. In the Irish “You think you’re God’s gift, don’t you?” sense.
