THE WORLD WIDE Web turned 25 today, and it’s had us all reflecting on where we would be without it.
Certainly it has aided us in the area of romance, giving us many, many ways to get in touch with the objects of our desire – and many ways to embarrass ourselves in front of them too.
Where words fail, emojis speak
There was none of this back when phone calls and face-to-face meetings were the only way to communicate. Back then, your emoji was your actual face.
These days emojis are another risk in the minefield that is courtship. How many is too many? What does he mean by :€? Is this one too suggestive?
You can find out everything about everyone within minutes
Back in the day, you knew next to nothing about anyone until they told you themselves.
Now you can scroll through their whole timeline, marvelling at the awful txt spk they used when they first joined in 2009, poking through tagged pictures from secondary school, and eventually ending up on their cousin’s page.
It’s fine, we all do it. But making sure you never give yourself away to their face is the cause of no undue stress.
How much they like you is judged in likes and favourites
HE LIKED YOUR STATUS. Within about five minutes of it being posted, too. He’s definitely into you.
If the person you fancy likes one of your Instagram selfies or profile pictures, especially one where you think you look particularly presentable, you are in.
Memes make flirting a whole lot easier
Want to know if two people are interested in each other? Just check if they’ve been posting funny pictures and videos on each other’s timelines.
If you don’t think you’re particularly funny, no big deal! Memes will do the work for you.
Subtweeting will get you attention
You’ve been doing the memes and the likes and the favourites, but you’re still getting nowhere. At this desperate point in the proceedings, it feels like the only way to move things forward is through a strongly loaded subtweet.
If they don’t get your subtweet, they don’t get you at all.
You can now be shut down across multiple formats
If it turns out they’re not into you, not only will they start ignoring your calls and texts, but also your Facebook messages, comments and tweets.
Nothing can describe the shame of seeing this:
Watching them go from “online” to “offline” within two seconds of you sending them a message is the clearest signal of all.
The element of surprise is gone
When you finally reveal you’re in a relationship (on Facebook, naturally) no on is particularly shocked.
Eh, they’d seen you tweeting each other all the time? It was obvious.