Dublin: 16 °C Sunday 20 June, 2021

13 depressing reviews of Ireland's most famous landmarks

We’re doing tourism all wrong.

IRELAND IS GENERALLY accepted by the international community to be a beautiful country full of history, the land of saints and scholars (and Guinness, of course).

But a few of those who have actually been to these shores want to debunk that myth.

Read on and discover the myriad and baffling ways our lovely landmarks have been found lacking.

1. The Burren: “A barren area.”

The_Burren,_Clare Source: Wikipedia

Leave it to the Irish to make this barren area a tourist attraction!

No, it’s the BURREN. Not the Barren, silly.

2. The Spire: “Related to the fight against drugs.”

Spire-of-Dublin Source: Wikimedia

Walking in O’Connell Street this high needle I was really upset! Its meaning related to the fight against drugs, but it is beautiful… It’s frightening!

Beautiful but frightening. Ireland in a nutshell, really.

3. Molly Malone: “If that’s what you’re into.”

Dublin-Molly-Malone Source: Wikimedia

This busty statue seems to be a place tourists go just to grope busty Molly and have their photo taken doing it.

Who’s groping our Molly? Reveal yourselves.

4. Giant’s Causeway: “A small mound of geometric rocks.”

Giant's_Causeway_(14) Source: Wikimedia

After seeing thousands of pictures of the Giant’s Causeway in magazines and on TV imagine my bemusement to see a very small mound of geometric rocks and to realise that “This is it”.

Natural phenomena are so boring, amirite?

5. Dublin Zoo: “Animals in captivity.”

DublinZooEntrance Source: Wikimedia

A nice place except they have animals in captivity.

Everything we thought we knew about zoos is wrong. Wrong!

6. The Hill of Tara: “Full of sheep poo.”

tarahill Source: Geograph.ie

A lovely green field, full of sheep poo. Oh yeah, a wishing tree. I can hardly contain my excitement. The only plus to a visit here is coffee shop.

We’re just trying to give you the authentic Irish experience. Sheesh.

7. Aillwee Cave: “A handful of small stalactites.”

aillweecaves Source: Flickr/quelgar

Tour was 20 minutes, and you’d get more satisfaction from looking at the formations in your freezer.

*heads off to look in freezer*

8. Dublin Castle: “Nothing compared to Versailles castle in France.”

dublincastle Source: Wikimedia

The area you visit is very small and most of the old furnitureswere removed. This was nothing compared to places like versai [sic] castle in France

Funny, that.

9. St Patrick’s Cathedral: “A bell-ringing team of monkeys.”

DublinStPatricksCathedral_adjusted Source: Wikimedia

The bell-ringing team must surely be comprised of either monkeys or children for them to sound so terrible.

Dammit, they’re onto us.

10. Cahir Castle: “Depressing.”

Cahir_Castle,_Tipperary_County,_Ireland_(6961416840)_(2) Source: Wikimedia

So much of the history of this castle had to do with hardships and attacks on the castle. It was interesting, but I left feeling sort of depressed.

Ugh. Can’t you have like, happier history?

11. Cork City Gaol: “Dull and dark.”

corkcitygaol Source: Geograph.ie

The building is nice as well as the view outside the location. However, I found the place a bit dull and dark.

Again. Ireland. With your depressing castles and scary jails. What are you like?

12. Christchurch Cathedral: “A holy supermarket.”

Christ_Church_Cathedral_(Dublin) Source: Wikimedia

If you have to pay €6 to go into a church that has absolutely nothing (it’s more like a holy supermarket) how much would you have to pay to enter St Peter’s in Rome??!!

Well, you know what they say. Christchurch wasn’t built in a day.

13. Christchurch Cathedral (again): “Gave me the spiritual willies.”

(Ireland)_Dublin_Christ_Church_Cathedral Source: Wikimedia

Gorgeous architecture like any old European cathedral, but it gave me the spiritual willies.

Did you hear that – willies! Guards. Burn this ancient cathedral to the ground.

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