Dublin: 15 °C Thursday 18 August, 2022

This Irish guy really f**king wants to be your roommate

He doesn’t give a sh*t if he sleeps in your bathtub.

Roommate of your dreams.
Roommate of your dreams.
Image: Gumtree

IF YOU LIVE in Belfast, and have a room to rent and a strong constitution, we may have the guy for you.

This 25-year-old says:

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You f**king found him.

The marketing agent has been living in Derry for a while, but has now landed a job in Belfast and needs somewhere to call home, so he’s posted an ad on Gumtree.

Some titbits about him:

  • I’m respectful, quiet, clean and I won’t bother any of your sh*t. If you leave sh*t out, I’m just like, “Oh fuck I better not mess with this sh*t, because it’s not mine.”
  • I also read a lot. I f**king LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It’s a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself.
  • I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist. I F**KING LOVE PEOPLE.
  • We can watch the sh*t out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don’t have to talk to you at all. It’s completely UP TO YOU!

Tuesdays_with_Morrie_book_cover Source: Wikimedia Commons

If you have a room to rent in Belfast and he sounds like your kind of guy be assured that he owns “almost nothing” and in his car he’ll be bringing:

…two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one mobile-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip.

Among the things he’ll provide as a reference are:

  • Facebook links
  • background checks
  • credit reports
  • phone numbers
  • resumes
  • references
  • awards
  • sexual history
  • pictures of karate trophies
  • a list of the top 10 women he’d like to bang before he dies

giphy Source: Giphy


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About the author:

Emer McLysaght

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