Dublin: 15 °C Wednesday 22 May, 2024

18 experiences every Irish Rail passenger will relate to

That train jacks smell!

1. Absolutely freaking out because you can’t locate your headphones and you’ve a three hour journey to Cork ahead of you

2. Feeling compelled to jog along with the people rushing to board the train, even though you’ve booked a seat

3. Preparing your spiel in case some brat has dared to sit in said seat

4. Witnessing someone regret doing a ‘gas’ seat name as they shuffle into their seat. Well how do you do, Mr Nahasapeemapetilon

5. Praying no one sits across from you. It’s unreasonable, but still

6. Putting your ticket in a ‘safe place’ for the journey, then having a flap when you can’t find it for the inspector

7. Mashing this bloody button. CONNECT ME


8. Having to input your details for the WiFi every time you pick up your phone

9. Then discovering that it only works in Dublin and Athlone, and when there are less than 30 people on the train

10. Catching the person across from you staring you out of it, then making exceedingly awkward eye contact

11. A stag or hen party. With a rake of cans. In your goddamn carriage

12. Dreaming about what you’ll get from the trolley for a solid hour

13. They don’t have what you want on the trolley. They have oat biscuits and tonic water though… So yeah

14. Realising the person across from you is gradually encroaching on your legroom, leaving with you with approximately three inches of space for your feet

15. Walking up the aisle to the jacks and seeing every other passenger have a right gawk at you

16. Having a good sniff of that Eau de Train Jacks

17. Hearing someone roaring “WE’RE JUST GONE PAST CASTLEREA” down the phone at the poor unfortunate that has to come and collect them

18. Getting off and swearing that you’ll learn to drive this year. You will!

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