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You're (not) hired

You came clean about your worst ever job interviews, and we picked our absolute favourites

You told us how you stayed as cool as a cucumber during the worst of interviews.

THIS MONTH, IN association with Sprite Cucumber, we’re celebrating all the times you stayed as cool as a cucumber. No matter what was happening around you. We wanted to hear your most amusing disaster stories – and we decided to share the best ones.

If it’s clammy hands, jelly legs and brief amnesia you’re looking for, go ahead and secure yourself a job interview.

You’ll get all that… and more.

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And this is something you guys know all too well if your experience of the job market is anything to go by.

Painful and all as it was for you to re-live them and awkward as it was for us to hear about them, we cherry-picked your most outrageous interview stories.

We’re talking burst pants, inappropriate hugs, oh and the person who actually tried to talk themselves out of the job.

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And yet, throughout it all, you guys managed to keep your cool.

Hell, some of you even landed yourselves the gig.

So, without further ado, here are the best of the worst… if you see what we mean.

1. Like a boss.

I split the side of my trousers while reaching for toll money in my pocket. I wasn’t going home, so thought ‘feck it’. Hugged the walls while being shown around the office and sat lobsided while being interviewed. It went well and was invited back.

2. A handshake. Always a handshake.
My worst job interview moment would have to be when my employer came to get me from the waiting room. I was ridiculously nervous, she put out her arm and so I hugged her, as you do. I then had the dawning realisation, mid-embrace, that she was putting her hand out to lead me out of the room. Not awkward at all… We then walked in silence into the interview room and I am still wondering how I got the job!

3. That moment you give up halfway.

I was asked what I would do. I said I wouldn’t hire me anyway.
4. You’d always wonder if that was the reason…
My fly was completely down for the entire interview and I was sitting far enough back from the table that they definitely noticed. Rest of the interview went fine but I didn’t get the job.

5. Sorry, but no to group interviews.

I once had to attend a DAY-LONG GROUP interview for a summer job in an aquarium, after six hours spent doing group challenges with strangers (one involved packing for a boat trip), I still didn’t get the job, and the idea of group interviews still make me break out in a sweat.

 6. Not here for this.

I interviewed with a global tech company once and they asked me to explain Ad Exchange to a five-year-old. Like they actually asked me that! WTF!

7. A thought for kindly interviewers like this.

I was once interviewing a young man who came in drenched in sweat. His hands were shaking badly, and he was having a hard time answering. I stopped the interview and took him next door to buy him a drink.

And finally, a few words of wisdom…

Know your CV inside out, and be confident you can bluff the lies you included on it.

And now that we’ve soldiered through all that together, it’s time to hear about the worst driving test experiences you’ve ever had.

Take it away, lads.

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