1. So many dolls that really did nothing special
This Baby Sophie doll’s main gimmick was that it could touch its foot with its hand.
2. This very mundane ‘Baby All Gone’ who simply ate cherries off a spoon
3. And ‘Baby Wee Wee’, a doll that could go to the toilet
This is hands down the worst children’s toy ever made. We really hope the father in this ad was paid well for sacrificing a huge amount of his dignity. The other ad for this product featured Baby Wee Wee urinating on a tree in a park.
4. Bratz Babyz
These are supposed to be the Bratz dolls as infants, yet their heads were probably twice the width of the adult Bratz dolls heads.
5. Bratz BIG Babyz
The Bratz Babyz but bigger for some reason.
6. Dream Phones
These were much earlier than some of these other ads but apparently all of our older sisters were obsessed with the concept of Guess Who but for dating an imaginary boy via telephone. It was like Tinder but probably much less disappointing.
7. Password Journals
Girl Tech really give themselves a big pat on the back at the end of this ad – “Girl Tech knows girls”. Although I guess they did know me, because I really wanted one of these.
8. Cheese Strings
As a product alone, Cheese Strings were kind of gross. But ads like this made everyone want them so they could make a cheese mustache in school.
9. Babybel Cheese
Again, we’re unsure if any children actually enjoyed these miniature wheels of cheese for any reason other than the fact that they were such a novelty lunch product.
10. Every board game
Hungry Hungry Hippos had no story line, it was just about reaching near-violent levels of competitiveness to smack hippos faster than your siblings and friends, but because it was on TV we all wanted it. We also all remember the jingle 20+ years later.
11. Crocodile Dentist
Child friendly Russian Roulette. The terror of the children being charged at by this plastic crocodile is palpable.
12. Floam
Every parents nightmare because they just knew that their child would get it stuck in their hair or mash it into furniture.
14. What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a Hexbug?
This song is still stuck in your head 10 years later.
15. Rowntree’s Body Parts
Before Rowntree’s Randoms, we were eating body parts.
16. Children’s vanity tables
If only children knew the stress that getting ready to go out would bring them for the rest of their lives once their mam stopped doing most of the work for them.
17. Cooooookie Crisp
These tasted more like Nesquik than actual cookies.
18. Barbie Magic Key House
As a child, this looked like a mansion to me. Right now it’s extremely underwhelming and looks like it would cost €1200 per month to live in if it were in Rathmines.
