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weird smut

8 erotic Kindle ebooks that will make you question everything

We’re all… doomed?

REMEMBER DINOSAUR EROTICA? Well, dinosaur erotica seems positively innocent now, doesn’t it?

All of these are now available for sale on Amazon. Next time you see someone reading a Kindle, just think of this.

1. Someone To Cuttle

Amazon Amazon

Yes, cuttlefish erotica. Yes, cuttlefish are like a less glamorous squid.

Sample:

The words ‘Hey there, big guy’ had formed on the largest cuttlefish. It watched him impassively, fins undulating while Paul stared. Was he seeing things?

2. I Don’t Care If My Best Friend’s Mom Is A Sasquatch, She’s Hot And I’m Taking A Shower With Her

Amazon Amazon

Speaking directly to the sexual fantasies of every teenage boy who has a best friend with a hot Sasquatch for a mum, but doesn’t care and wants to shower with her.

Sample:

My best friend’s Luke’s mom was a Sasquatch. She was a Bigfoot, everyone knew that. It was common knowledge in our town.

3. Seduced By The Dad Bod

Amazon Amazon

It was only a matter of time before Dad Bod porn emerged. I’m assuming that the only people who get off to this are people who actually possess dad bods.

Sample:

I had to surrender to that body. To that bod. To that sweet, sweet Dad Bod…

4. Werehipsters

Amazon Amazon

Like werewolves, but hipster ones. And, um, doing sex stuff?

Sample:

“They were shifters before it was cool”

5. Dominated By The Dolphins

Amazon Amazon

Cleverly targeted at anyone who doesn’t feel that regular BDSM goes far enough, and would prefer if everyone involved was a dolphin.

Sample:

“Her friend had a thing for dolphin sculptures, collecting everything that had to do with them to display in her house. The last time she had been to Mary Anne’s place, she had counted over a dozen dolphin-themed items in her garden alone. Kristen sighed again, rolling her eyes at her marine-obsessed friend.”

6. Garden Gnome Sex Party

Amazon Amazon

Because who hasn’t looked at a garden gnome and felt a tingle?

Sample:

A sudden sound snapped her out fo the fantasy, and Jenny snatched her hand out of her dress and looked around. Nothing moved in her garden, but she knew she had heard it – a noise like an empty bowl sliding along stone.

7. I Banged A Vampire And he Didn’t Sparkle Like The Pansies In Twilight

Amazon Amazon

Vampire erotica for REAL MEN. Or… something? Look, there are six volumes of this and that’s enough.

Vladimir viciously slaughters Leonard and is about to kill Jessica when he feels a longing in his loins the likes of which he has not felt in many, many centuries.

8. Sex With My Husband’s Anatomically Correct Robot

Amazon Amazon

The robot is anatomically correct. This means he has a *stage whisper * DING-A-LING.

Sample:

But the Robot may have a mind of its own as it seeks to please her every fantasy and desire.  Will Angie learn to control her urges, or will she succumb to the pleasures of the robot every time she has a dirty thought?

More: Erotic books about dinosaurs are the latest thing that will creep you out>

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