1. You probably picked Art because you loved to draw
LOL, that’s cute. Now stick to the syllabus and approved themes, hippie.
2. What you did not realise was that it is the longest exam in the history of the world
You had your life drawing, still life, your actual project, and then the art history exam, all spread out over the year. Great.
3. Not to mention the most stressful
You know when you’re watching Great British Bake Off and someone’s Genoise sponge is going wrong and they’re crying but their time is up and there’s nothing they can do except give it to Paul Hollywood, half-baked and shoddily decorated, and watch as he tears into it with his wolflike glare?
That’s the Leaving Cert Art practical, except with two dozen 17/18-year-olds.
4. Most of your class time actually involved learning about churches and auld lads who painted churches
Fra Filippo Lippi. Chiaroscuro. Flying buttresses.
5. And looking at lots of pictures of Jesus
All those weird medieval babies. Had they ever actually looked at a baby? Probably not.
6. Things got a bit better when you moved on to the more modern folk
The Surrealists and Impressionists, great bunch of lads.
7. But you knew, deep down, the essay you’d end up getting in the exam would be about a table
Describe four characteristics of woodwork seen in this table. Go on. We dare you.
7. You’ve never hated anyone like you hated the student that sat for the life drawing lessons
Why is your nose so HARD. TO. DRAW. Why are you holding your hands like that? I hate you, TY student. I hate you so bad.
8. But a still life you’re particularly proud of still hangs somewhere in your parents’ house
Never have a bag of flour, a jug and a potato looked so beautiful :’)
9. There are some ancient Irish objects you still hate for no particular reason
F**k the Broighter Collar. Fair play to the fella who broke it in half. Great job.
10. As well as some poor unfortunate artists
They never did you no wrong. They just caught you at a bad time.
11. But there are some you’ve grown to like
Dali, the mad bastard!
12. Your final project was either a complete and total disaster
In the vein of the GBBO-style meltdown we described above.
13. Or the creative pinnacle in your life you will never reach again
You often think about it and feel actual pride. You collected it from the school after your results. It was your WORK.
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