Dublin: 9 °C Friday 8 December, 2023
school daze

9 unforgivable lies we were all told in school

We do not forgive. And we do not forget.

LOOKING BACK on your school days as an adult, it’s easy to feel wronged.

Lies. So many lies.

1. Joined-up writing is useful

The hours we spent poring over these copybooks:

alphabet-cursive-writing-practice-9 Writing Innovations Writing Innovations

And what for? What. For.

2. “Your mammy just had to go and do a message for a few minutes.”

The classic first-day-of-school lie. THERE WERE NO MESSAGES.

black-kid-crying BlogSpot BlogSpot

3. “You won’t have a calculator with you everywhere.”




4. Learning times tables means you know how to do maths

9780714410425 Easons School Books Easons School Books

No, it’s not maths. It’s learning large swathes of numbers by heart.

5. Picking a dandelion will make you wet the bed

DandelionFlower Wikimedia Wikimedia

Pick all the dandelions you want, kids.

6. It is important to know all of the Irish rivers, in order

We’re still waiting for the day when someone says to us: “It is essential that I know which river flows through Portarlington.”

Ireland_physical_medium Wikimedia Wikimedia

“It’s the Barrow,” we’ll answer, proudly.

7. You’ll definitely need to write a postcard to your French pen pal someday

Connemara_large National Library of Ireland National Library of Ireland

“Salut Marie! Me voici dans le Connemara.”

But there was no Marie. There was never any Marie. :(

8. Long division is a handy thing to know

The.Simpsons.S21E03.The_.Great_.Wife_.Hope_ Bart's Blackboard Bart's Blackboard

“No, don’t bother guessing. Let me get out my notebook and precisely split this bill using long division!” – said no one ever.

9. “Your school days are the best days of your life.”

Cheers for that depressing insight into the future.

giphy Giphy Giphy

This Irish mammy reads out her son’s messages from gay dating app Grindr>

Belfast lad runs hopelessly after bus, accidentally humiliates himself>

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