AS KEVIN THE teenager said, “That is SO unfair.”
He wasn’t wrong. There are some injustices in life that make us question everything. Forget petty grievances like there only being a drop of milk left in the carton. This is the serious stuff.
1. Having to go to the bank on your lunch break
It’s the only time you can go. You’ll have to grab a sandwich on your way back to the office and eat it at your desk like the minion you are. And worst of all, the bank people keep trying to force you into doing it online, as IF you would really be in a physical bank unless you absolutely needed to be.
2. The bin needing to be taken out when it’s raining
It’s leaking bin juice and it’s 100% your time to go out with it. Sob. No ifs, no buts, that sucker needs to go out for collection tomorrow and you’ll have to trudge out in the lashing rain. Sing it: “It’s a hard knock life, for us, it’s a hard knock life, for us…”
3. Your parents calling around when you’re hanging
Grin and bear it. Don’t let them see your weakness – it’s better to pretend you’re not hungover than endure the third degree about what messing you got up to the night before.
4. Just the fact that you have to defrost your car
It’s a cold day, you’re more than likely en route to work, and you have to spend valuable morning minutes defrosting your car. A senseless tragedy no one else will ever truly understand.
5. Having to get out of bed to switch on the immersion
You need a shower, but you have to let the tank heat up first. That means hopping out of your warm leaba, sprinting across to the immersion, flicking it on and racing right back to wait. A pointless and cruel rigmarole surely invented by your most heinous enemy.
6. Using up holiday days for fecky little errands
Need to get your NCT done? Say so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen and goodbye to one of your precious holiday days.
7. Getting in trouble at work when it wasn’t your fault
In this instance, your refusal on principle to rat out a colleague will lead to you taking the fall. Are you a patsy, or is life just really mean like that?
8. Getting a parking ticket two minutes past the time
TWO MINUTES? OH, COME ON.
9. The bus arrives just after you decided to walk
This one truly proves that the universe is working against you. You wait for five minutes at the bus stop, then say “feck it” and decide to walk. Just as you’ve got to the corner of the road, the bus sails by. It would actually almost be enough to make a grown man weep in public alone.
