Dublin: 9 °C Tuesday 18 June, 2024
love hate

Last night's Love/Hate: Hair loss, love hearts and Jägerbombs

Plus, why gardaí are like The Wire. Everything we learned from last night’s episode.

THE THIRD SEASON of Love/Hate is reaching the end of its run, and frankly it’s not doing anything for our Sunday night fear.

Remember back at the beginning, when it was all humorous threats and wild parties where Fran took his shirt off?

Well, we haven’t seen his nipples for at least two episodes now. And poor Darren hasn’t even found time to change his hoodie. The bang off it.

Here’s what we saw last night:

1. Here’s a peaceful, sunlit shot of Dublin…

… so we pretty much know that bad stuff is going to happen soon. Don’t even tell these TV types about irony – they are ALL over it.

2. Dano has feelings too

He’s not just a psychopath that threatens to cut people’s genitals off, and a big mammy’s boy. He also has, you know, emotions and stuff. Specifically, related to his da’s pigeons.

3. Nidge is very concerned about his hairline

It’s stressful running a criminal gang, you know. Takes its toll.

Maybe you should get a hat, Nidge? Or a nice hoodie like Darren’s? Probably in a different colour though – after all, you already have the same jackets.

4. The Gardaí are exactly like the cops in The Wire

See that photo collage? It might look like something from a One Direction fan’s bedroom, but it’s actually serious police work. Look, there’s Post-Its on it and all.

That, or these guys have a major crush on Nidge.

5. OK, Nidge is REALLY worried about going bald

Poor Nidge. Look at that hair loss diagram. He’s living through that right now.

6. Darren’s not great at subterfuge

Here he is legging it while the gardaí arrest everyone else in the gang. Seriously, if you were on the run from the cops, would you not change your clothes? Just occasionally? They could just about track his hoodie by helicopter at this stage.

It’s actually sort of touching how attached he is to it. It’s like his gangster security blanket.

7. They hired their lawyer from Sleazy Lawyers R Us

Safe to say he probably doesn’t hang out with Gerald Kean very often.

8. Nothing ever, EVER goes right for Ado

First he gets shot in the leg. Then he gets arrested. Now his budgie’s dead.

Now his fish are all he has left. If that fishtank is still intact by the end of next week’s episode, we’ll eat our sofa cushions.

9. Brothels are decorated in a creepily childish way

Seriously, what is this? A kids’ nursery? It’s all pastel pinks.

Also, the metal-belt-and-knickers combo is a strong look, isn’t it? Coming soon to a Penneys near you.

10. The IRA have no sense of irony

Q: If you were in the IRA, would you see anything amusing about having a drink called a ‘bomb’?

A: No.

11. Powerpoint isn’t a strong point

That ‘heart’ fade? You’re not doing a school project on Valentine’s Day in 1996, you know.

Nidge seems baffled that somebody has sent him a memorial video of now-dead former gang leader John Boy. I think there may – just may – be a subliminal message here. Anyone? Anyone?

12. This is where the ‘Ra get their intelligence

A sophisticated information-gathering operation:

13. Darren has a ridiculous goatee which we hadn’t noticed until now

Honestly, this gang is ALL about hair. If Darren and Nidge spent half as much time working on their criminal operations as they did worrying about the hair on their heads/faces, they’d never have all these problems.

Hair is developing into a bit of a theme for this episode, actually. And we haven’t seen the last of it yet.

Also, Darren will never, ever, get to have sex. Just as he’s thinking about getting it on with Siobhan, his phone rings and it’s…

14. Nidgeweasel!

15. Did you say Nidgeweasel?

16. Fran’s not all fun and games

“Your hair will grow back. Your face won’t.” It doesn’t make much sense, but we get the point.

What did we tell you? This is all about hair. Hair is the real currency of the underworld.

17. Dano has feelings too (vol. 2)

He has to kill his da’s pigeons…

This isn’t good news.

Is it just us, or did anyone else feel like Dano was threatening them personally when he snapped the last pigeon’s neck?

Or is he just angry because he hasn’t got any hair?

Sexting, mammies and topless tapping – Love/Hate episode 4 recap>

Fat rabbits and a baby in a brothel - Love/Hate episode 3 recap>

Fish tanks and Bambi eyes - Love/Hate episode 2 recap>

Diggers and kegs - Love/Hate episode 1 recap>

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