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Love/Hate week 2 recap: Janet's knees, Patrick's vest and Fran finds out

#Team Nidge or #Team Fran. You must choose one.

IF YOU WEREN’T fully convinced by last week’s episode, we think it’s fair to say that after last night’s Love/Hate, it’s back with a bang.

Here’s how it went down…

1. The bicycle thief, Pauley the seducer, Patrick the lurker

If you were still getting the Rich Teas on the plate and the slippers on your feet (despite the 1,256 ads between the news and the start of Love/Hate) and missed the first couple of minutes there was a lot going on.

Firstly we see one of Pauley’s henchmen robbing a motorbike, at gunpoint. Ever the charmers.


Patrick is having trouble sleeping, either as a result of paranoia and general thoughts of crime, or he’s had a dodgy pint.


Whatever it is, he’s up and prowling around the halting site at the crack of dawn, checking on security.

Poor aul Tommy is still hooked up to the fizzy orange drip in hospital, while his missus Siobhán is having it off with… wait, who’s that?


Ah it’s Pauley (Terence Bigballs’ nephew, tasked with keeping an eye on Nidge), of course. Sure weren’t they giving each other the glad eye last week? And we’d recognise that bling anywhere.


Meanwhile Nidge is having trouble sleeping and sits down for a bit of first person shooter video game action to keep him on his toes.


Psst Nidge we know you’re only biding your time until Trish gets up and agrees to a little two-player Mario Kart. WATCH THOSE BANANA PEELS!

2. Moynihan’s clueless wife

While Pauley and Nidge are figuring out ways to “whack” Patrick (eh good luck with that lads, he looks like he’d survive the apocalypse) Cagney and Lacey (AKA Moynihan and Ciarán The Garda) are chatting about the intel they have on Pauley.

And as is often the case with the women of Love/Hate, Moynihan’s clueless wife sweeps in, nattering about dinners and booking holidays and dreaming of painting a few more walls magnolia.

Which probably means she’s done diddly done for at some stage in the near future.


3. Patrick the Peaceful Pipe Bomb Maker

Fran gets wind that Patrick might be heading for a slumber with the fishes, and so he goes to Nidge to stick up for him, delivering one of his classic lines:

Oh Franny. If only you knew.

4. Pauley’s Poetry

Even a dog with a stick up its hole knows a halting site is tricky.


Pauley. You smooth divil and your way with words.

5. Are your indicators broken Aido?

Aido picks the lads up, and seems to have forgotten the basic rules of the road. Tsk.


6. Patrick/Thor

Back on the site Patrick is ramping up security even more, and making himself useful with a hammer and some nails.

His giant fists (or maybe some over eager post production sound editing) make it sound like he’s forging metals from the depths of Mordor.

H/T to Senan Byrne 

7. Bacon and Cabbage

The poor old Gardaí are getting some serious shade thrown at them in this episode.

The boss, aka ‘Bacon and Cabbage’ is getting stick for his grá for reports and Powerpoint presentations (so many snazzy transitions to choose from), and he’s supping down a cup of tea in his ivory tower while telling Moynihan he can’t give him any more man power to keep Nidge under control.




Patrick’s paranoia seems to be well founded when the gunman storms into the pub brandishing a gun, calling his name.

Punters dive for cover, although we know that one lad at the bar is only interested in saving that last bit of pint.


Patrick gets it a few times in the back…

photo (4)

But sure he’s well protected…

9. Nidge 4 Janet

Fresh from last week’s romance fest (nothing says lusty loins like a mid-ride chat about your mistress’s son), Nidge and Janet are going for the smooth talk once again. He’s telling her not to kiss him in public, while she’s getting a towel because her knees are “at her”.

Why are you worried about your knees Jane…. oh.


10. Pauley 4 Siobhán

Just when you thought the romance couldn’t reach dizzier heights, Pauley tells Nidge he’s “going off to f**k a young wan” and that he doesn’t have time to chat about the failed attempt to whack Patrick.

The young wan in question is, of course, Nidge’s niece Siobhán.


11. Overtime shmovertime

Terry and Ciarán The Garda and are nobly going out to shadow Nidge and Fran, even though there’s no money for the overtime.

Ciarán utters probably the most apt thing that’s ever been uttered on Love/Hate:


12. Fran finds out

This was inevitable.

Patrick tells Fran about the pipe bomb. The pipe bomb that Nidge ordered and that was responsible for the death of Fran’s missus Linda.


Is it just us, or is this uncanny?



With this in mind, and with the already established fact that Fran is a “mad b**tard”, we are firmly #TeamFran.

13. Moynihan 4 Andrew’s missus

Meanwhile Moynihan goes to Dentist Andrew’s funeral, mostly to throw the glad eye at Andrew’s widow.

And atop the coffin:

Oh, yes, we see:


14. Fran crying. Can’t cope

Fran is consumed with the thought of claiming his revenge on Nidge for Linda’s death. He heads off to see Patrick to get a weapon, but stops the van first for a bit of a cry. Yes, you read that right. Fran… crying.



15. Trish crying. Can’t cope

Trish seems to have gained a sense that everything is about to fall apart.

Nidge, attempting to give her some solace advances on her hissing like a snake



We’d run a mile, to be honest.

Fully expect to wake up in the dead of night with the memory of him menacingly whispering ‘Trissshhhhhhh”. Shudder.

16. Nidge you lucky chancer

Terry The Garda spots Nidge heading on the school run (appeasing Trish perhaps?), grumbles about his overtime and heads home leaving Ciarán following Fran, WHO HE SPOTS GETTING THE GUN FROM PATRICK!

The sh*t is about to hit the Fran*.


Ciarán catches up him at a toll bridge (despite being in a “sh*tty Seat. There go the country’s Seat sales) and orders him out of the van, cuffing him on the ground.


Nidge is made of Teflon, right? It’s the only explanation.

Back at the station, Moynihan agrees to take Ciarán out for a drink to celebrate.

Where do they head?

No, not Coppers, but rather its Northside equivalent…. the mecca that is McGowans of Phibsboro. Guaranteed to get The Shift.


17.  Still #TeamFran

Nidge decides to go and see Fran in prison. Big mistake. Huge.


As the episode ends our hero (look, there are slim pickings, ok?) is back in his cell losing the head as the strains of Roy Orbison’s ‘Crying’ ring in our ears.


Hold us.

9 people who are firmly #TeamFran after last night’s Love/Hate>

About the author:

Emer McLysaght

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