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Dublin: 3 °C Saturday 14 December, 2019
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23 honest thoughts we had at the Magic Mike XXL Irish premiere

Ride it.

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LAST NIGHT, THE ladies of TheJournal.ie and DailyEdge.ie decamped en masse to the Magic Mike XXL premiere.

We left changed women. Women giving serious thought to putting Magic Mike XXL on our list of top five movies of all time.

*Some spoilers ahead, but surely you’re not here for the plot?*

“Is that… is that WINE?”

For one night only, The Savoy cinema on O’Connell street was selling lady petrol in honour of Magic Mike XXL.

(Well, they were selling a special deal involving popcorn, sweets and wine. A Savoy insider told us that the wine was essentially free. We’ll take 17, cheers mate)

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“Oh look, Kaneswarans”

The celeb count was disappointingly low. But Tallafornia and the Kaneswaran sisters were well represented. We didn’t see anyone from Dublin busking sensation Keywest or Xposé or Republic of Telly.

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“Ah shite, they haven’t spent the coin on any strippers for the premie… WHAT A MINUTE! WHO’S THAT?”

Turns out they had spent the coin. Strip group (sorry, male entertainers) UK Pleasure Boys had been flown in for the night.

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And the women, they flocked.

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The pleasure boys told us they would be attending not one, but TWO afterparties later that night, one of which would involve full frontal. Fetch our smelling salts.

“Gold curtains. The glamour!”

Wine and gold curtains. All we were missing was a pyramid of Fererro Rocher and a basket in the bathroom with free deodorant and flip flops and what not.

magic2 Source: Aoife Barry

“If you kind of squint your eyes and tilt your head that lad looks a bit like Channing Tatum”

He really did! *sees straws, clutches at them*

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“Those girls are really making a beeline for the front seats”

As groups of women pegged it down the stairs of the cinema towards the front rows, one was overheard saying “this is the kind of film you want to be up close for”.

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“Ah, look at Channing Tatum trying to measure that bit of wood. God love him”

In Magic Mike XXL Channing has (SPOILER ALERT) realised his dream of owning his own furniture business and there’s a scene at the start where he’s ‘measuring’ some ‘wood’. He hasn’t a clue, the dote.

“Channing Tatum really does look like a Weetabix”

Or Mr Tayto.

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“SPIT ON ME, WEETABIX”

Then suddenly, he’s dancing. It’s the bit from the trailer. You know, this bit:

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Pony is playing, Channing is flying impossibly through the air, potentially impregnating a table, dancing like a filthy angel, sweating unicorn tears. We’re hooked. They’ve got us where they want us.

“Phwoar, look at the finish on that”

What? We’re talking about his stunning furniture collection.

166695 Source: Propstore

“Wait, this is a total ‘f**k you’ to Matthew McConaughey?”

There’s a lot of chat at the start of the film about how Dallas (McConaughey’s character in the first film) has left the gang high and dry*.

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*Won an Oscar and is too good for your stripper film alright alright alright

“ROAAAAAAD TRIP!”

Channing and the old crew (sans the Oscar-polishing Dallas) head to Myrtle Beach in an artisinal froyo van (yes, really) for one last hurrah at the 4th of July 2015 Annual Stripper Convention. Sure why not?

“Oh, Channing’s misery guts girlfriend is back”

No, wait, that’s not her. It’s just someone who looks exactly like her.

Mike’s love interest for the sequel is a photographer played by Amber Heard, who he meets at a party on a beach in Jacksonville when she takes pictures of him piddling into the marram grass. They go their separate ways, but we have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of her.

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“Any yokes?”

There is a scene in the film where the lads neck a load of pills in the middle of the afternoon in the artisinal froyo van, and when it cuts to an hour later, and they are all clearly maddouuuuurrrrivah.

Either Channing and co really did neck a load of pills, or they are a bunch of the finest actors of our generation.

The yokes scene also involves Joe Manganiello dancing in a petrol station, and they should create a special section in the Oscars for it.

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“They are literally throwing the stripper clichés out the window”

The lads decide they’re going to really go for it at the 4th of July 2015 Annual Myrtle Beach Stripper Convention, and throw all of their old costumes out the window of the artisinal froyo van; the fireman hat, the sailor’s cap, the fig leaf… all gone.

Silk fig leaf on tulle Source: Satyrika

“Wait a minute, this is really, really good”

It’s about this point where we realise that we are hugely enjoying this film. It’s charming, and hilarious, the characters are well defined, vulnerable and funny. We’re delighted there’s at least another hour to go and surely at least two big dance numbers coming our way.

“Is that Troy from Community?”

Yes, yes it.

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You see, the gang head to an old haunt of Channing’s after crashing the artisinal froyo van due to being on all the yokes.

There they find Jada Pinkett Smith in charge of a huge, heaving, dark house/strip club full of women she calls “MY QUEENS” and the men who are there to thrill and tease them.

Also there is Donald Glover (who you might recognise as Troy from Troy and Abed in the comedy show Community or as the rapper/singer Childish Gambino) who entertains and respects the ladies with his dulcet tones.

play Source: Yahoo

“Jada Pinkett Smith is life”

She really is. She owns massive parts of this film, she owns Channing’s ass and she owns our hearts.

magic Source: Warner Bros

“Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed”

Wealthy southern belle Andie MacDowell also offers shelter to the lads on their way to Myrtle Beach, playing the mother of one of the gals they met at that beach party in Jacksonville.

andie Source: Warner Bros

In one of the stand out scenes from the movie they drink all the red wine with her and her pals, who can’t believe their luck at this bunch of rides showing up on their doorstep, Channing gets to eye up widdle photographer Amber Heard a bit more, and Andie MacDowell gives the gang her ex-husband’s very nice convertible to complete their journey (because they wrapped the artisinal froyo van round a tree, remember?)

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“IT’S THE 4TH OF JULY 2015 ANNUAL MYRTLE BEACH STRIPPER CONVENTION”

They finally arrive. But will they be able to get a slot? And who will be their MC (after their original MC skulled himself driving the artisinal froyo van into a tree)? Will everything be ok? Is that Elizabeth Banks? (Yes, yes it is).

You’ll just have to go and see it to find out (and see the frankly stunning final dance sequence and the woman who spends much of it in a sex swing, and seems grand with it).

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“Where has Joe Manganiello been all my life?”

We went for Channing, we left with Manganiello.

You too, Matt Bomer.

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“That was brilliant. Truly brilliant”

Magic Mike XXL is streets ahead of the first film (which, to be fair, was all hinged on one dance routine). And that’s not even the illicit Savoy wine talking.

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OK so the plot is as useful as a Penneys umbrella in a storm, but that doesn’t matter. It’s hilarious, full of characters you care about, is a male stripper film and a buddy road trip film at the same time, is grimy enough to be believable (the BANG of wedding function room off the 4th of July Annual Myrtle Beach Stripper Convention) and there isn’t even the pretence of a stripping competition that the lads somehow have to win.

We’ll leave the final enthusiastic word to TheJournal.ie’s Aoife Barry:

It has real male friendships and bonding (and the requisite six-packs) and doesn’t treat women like they’re dopes for wanting to ogle at these guys. (And the ogling isn’t just because of their bodies – their fully-fleshed out personalities are what make it all work).
I’ve never seen anything like it, and it feels really refreshing to watch something like this – it knows what it is, it’s clever about it, it’s a right laugh, and it treats female desire as something good and necessary and positive. But it does all that and can make fun of itself too.

(“Channing, I’m sorry for saying you looked like a Weetabix”)

Truly, I am.

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About the author:

Emer McLysaght

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