FOR SOME WOMEN, make-up (and its application) is somewhat of a mystery.
And I should know because I’m one of them.
While I wear it maybe 5 or 6 days of the week, my understanding is relatively rudimentary.
I know that foundation goes on your face, I know a good eyebrow is something to be celebrated and I even know what highlighter does, but how to get it to have the transformative effect other women manage is beyond me.
In fact, I’d hazard a guess that I own each of the products a make-up maven would likely insist I need, and yet I can’t bring myself to feel enthusiasm about any of them.
To me, makeup is like toothpaste, shampoo and deodorant, I feel like I need it to look in some way presentable – if I can be arsed that day – but the notion of getting excited over the launch of a new foundation or lip-kit is utterly alien to me.
That’s not to say I don’t enjoy the trappings of girlieness; I regularly get my nails done, I love a good spray tan and I’ve had my make-up professionally applied plenty of times because I truly appreciate the work of the experts.
Anyone who can make me look like I have cheekbones can take every cent I have.
But when your own handywork leaves a lot to be desired, it’s hard to get excited over anything Kylie Jenner has to offer you.
And here are just a few more things you’ll know if makeup is a bit of a mystery.
1. You don’t understand most of the Sephora-related memes that flood your newsfeed.
People spend a lot of money in there? Is that the joke?
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2. You genuinely don’t think you have enough face for the amount of products YouTubers suggest you apply.
My eyelid can facilitate one colour and one colour only, so why are you introducing a second and now a third?
3. You marvel at women who have the patience to do a full eye for a day in the office.
That is just beyond impressive. You can only imagine the blending that that required.
4. You resent the fact you were born without an innate talent for applying eyeliner.
You blame everything from your hand-eye coordination to your poor eyesight, but at the end of the day, you know it’s because your heart simply isn’t in it.
5. You purchase on an ‘as-needed’ basis.
You buy foundation because you’re done using a Q-tip to scrape the remnants out of your most recent bottle, and that is it.
6. Eyeshadow palettes give you extreme anxiety.
Are there actually people in this world who can make neon yellow work? Those people are the real heroes.
7. Your going-out look is literally ‘more’.
You use all the same products as the day time, but you just add… well… more.
8. You still don’t feel comfortable wearing lipstick.
The most you can go for in the lip department is a gloss, at a push. But really it’s all about the slick of lip balm.
9. You’re in awe of people who can literally transform their features with a few choice products.
You could use every item in your makeup bag, and you would still look exactly the same… except a little more orange.
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10. Other people’s cosmetic concerns baffle you somewhat.
A lack of illuminating elements or SPF features are not part of your lexicon, the only thing that worries you is if you have a tidemark around your jaw.
11. You can’t relate to people who throwback to their teenage years in order to mock their makeup skills.
You’re fairly certain the routine you had at 19 is the same one you have now…. with just a little added highlighter.
12. You will never, ever, ever get excited over a new range of cosmetics.
Unless a professional is applying it to your face, the new range is likely the same as every other range.
13. You – on some level – hope the day comes when you and makeup just click.
But then where would be the fun in getting it professionally done?
