Dublin: 12 °C Thursday 7 December, 2023
hot to trot

9 body woes every man dreads in warm weather

Two words: betty swollocks.

“SUMMER BREEZE, MAKES me feel fiiii-iiiine…” Where is this summer breeze? And why don’t we feel fine?

We’ve taken you through the complications women face when warm weather strikes, and now we’re talking about THE MENZ. They have some serious stuff to deal with in summer too, y’know.

The sandals dilemma

As one male staffer puts it: “Is the additional comfort and ventilation of sandals worth it for the derision and disgust male sandals inspire in all humanity?”

800px-Chaco_Z1_Sandals Wikimedia Wikimedia

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Is it, indeed.

Getting a farmer’s tan

Irish people aren’t the best at remembering sun cream, so they get sun burned.

1242919717_babc012380_b Flickr / Matt Goulet Flickr / Matt Goulet / Matt Goulet

For men this means dual-toned arms, which as everyone knows is such a sexy look.

Bald-patch sunburn

And then there’s the worry that if you are bald or balding, you’ll get burned up there too.

14062720616_113a428e4f_b Flickr / Ho John Lee Flickr / Ho John Lee / Ho John Lee

The horror.

Sweat patches

There’s just no way to style them out. None.

shutterstock_114117976 Shutterstock Shutterstock

To shave or not to shave?

Contrary to popular belief, having a beard will not make you feel hotter in the summer.

flowerbeard Flickr / drainhook Summer beard decorating tips Flickr / drainhook / drainhook

So please listen to this message, from facial hair-loving ladies everywhere: DON’T SHAVE OFF YOUR PRECIOUS BEARDS.

The socks or no socks debate

Socks are too warm and look terrible with shorts, but no socks could lead to awful foot stink.

Tubsocka_och_sandal_år_2009_i_Täby_-_Nordiska_Museet_-_NMA.0057097 Wikimedia The very worst offence Wikimedia

One writer advises men in this dilemma to plump for some ankle socks, which he has described as “a big breakthrough”.

Stinking to high heavens

Jac_you_smell_funny Nocookie Nocookie

It’s what sweating profusely does to you. You know you smell bad because you can smell that other lad who’s also sweating profusely, and it’s not pretty.

Having to wear a suit

Perhaps the ultimate form of warm weather torture.

May we suggest a short suit, like Pharrell?

The 86th Academy Awards - Arrivals - Los Angeles ©Chase Rollins 2014 / ©Chase Rollins 2014 / /

On second thoughts, maybe not.

‘Betty swollocks’

As readers Patrick Moran and Fergal O’Hagan put it so eloquently in our article about women’s warm weather woes:


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Grim. So very, very grim.

Previously: 8 body woes every woman dreads in warm weather>

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