Dublin: 11 °C Tuesday 30 May, 2023
# buried with my people
The 20 milestones in every new Irish relationship
Love is a many splendoured thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! Love is… awkward as hell.

1. Swap numbers after a shift. Wait a few days, just enough to not look too eager, then text

2. Realise that you have 5+ mutual friends on Facebook and consider the fact that they’ve probably already shifted someone you know. Start texting furiously anyway

3. Just ‘happen’ to bump into each other on a night out. And then every night out. What a coincidence

4. Meet each other alone for the first time in the cold light of day, sh*tting it as you pick at your Eddie Rockets chicken tenders

5. Make a point of telling your respective mates that you’re still ‘just shifting’. No big deal

6. Realise that you’ve sent each other approximately 200 texts since 8am that morning. But no big deal!

7. Go on a date on Friday night and ‘accidentally’ end up spending the entire weekend at their house, leading your own housemates to fear the worst

8. Go to your first event as a couple. Briefly understand what celebrity couples must feel like having to ‘debut’ their relationship to the press

9. Sh*t a brick trying to find a present for your first birthday/Valentine’s/Christmas together. Spend way too much money on something with ‘Michael Kors’ on it

10. Your mam asks you if you’re “seeing anybody”, as she does every few months. You say “Eh, yeah” this time and she almost falls off her chair

11. Your mam starts ending all phone calls home with a plea for you to bring them down to visit

12. You finally bring them down to visit, and grimace at each other as ye head off for your separate rooms at bedtime


13. Introduce your SO to your Friends From Down Home, praying to god they don’t bring up a) your rotten ex, or b) that year when you shifted all around you

14. Go to visit their parents and spend a night awkwardly sitting on the couch watching TV with the family, as is customary

15. One of your friends shifts one of their friends. There is brief talk of a double date and you both get WAY too excited about this

16. Find yourself saying “I’ll ask Himself/Herself” and realise you’ve become one of those people

17. Go on a city break to Prague. Have your first big fight over who gets to read the map, in which one of you threatens to pack up and go home

18. One of you farts/vomits/wees in front of the other for the first time. A new understanding is reached between you

19. Pick a date that will be your anniversary, because feck if either of ye actually know the real one

20. And that beautiful moment when one of you turns to the other and says those five magic words: “Will we just stay in?”

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