BE HONEST; HOW frequently do you hear women readily accept compliments with anything that resembles genuine ease?
And while we’re at it, how frequently do you hear them accept, and willingly agree, with a compliment which has been directed at them?
When you truly consider it, the aforementioned outcomes are relatively rare.
The vast majority of us either dismiss the compliment entirely or awkwardly accept it before doing our level-best to minimise the praise with some form of self-deprecation.
For many, it’s a default response, and that’s why it can seem genuinely surprising when a woman readily accepts a compliment, and even allows the conversation to develop with focus remaining on the source of the praise.
Recently, I was told about a woman who, after being complimented on her outfit by co-workers, happily agreed with their assessment and then did a quick twirl in front of a packed office to ensure full appreciation of the ensemble.
Upon hearing of her reaction, I was instantly taken aback, and then felt an immediate surge of guilt.
Why shouldn’t she accept – and hell, bask – in the praise?
Shouldn’t I consider her reaction a lesson to all women I wish had more confidence in their qualifications, abilities and appearance?
While it may be something many of us hope the women in our lives strive for, it takes a considerable effort to shake off an ingrained notion that anything other than utter diffidence is unseemly.
Indeed, a great number of women subconsciously blur the lines between self-belief and arrogance; traits which are by no means synonymous.
So many of us have internalised the notion that anything other than a self-deprecating approach is akin to a display of supreme vanity; something which Mindy Kaling discussed during Glamour’s 2018 Women of the Year Summit yesterday.
Appearing on a panel alongside Hoda Kotb and Savannah Guthrie, the actress explained that her refusal to denigrate herself has automatically been translated into an inflated sense of self.
Mindy explained that with the help of a quick Google search, she learned that the wider world was of the impression she was ‘into herself’.
The 39-year-old was quick to highlight the fact that on the confidence spectrum, there exist more than two positions for women.
It’s not that I’m into myself. It’s that I don’t hate myself.
And therein lies the issue; refusing to do one doesn’t automatically assume the other.
And Christ, even if it did, is that such a tragedy?
Mindy explained that the industry in which she is immersed is uncomfortable with the notion that there exist women willing to accept themselves as they are, and even more controversially, actually celebrate themselves as they are.
In my career, a lot of people have a problem with being around women who don’t hate themselves. Never hate yourself.
But when little girls are dubbed ‘bossy’ over displays of assertiveness and actresses whose dress size exceeds single digits are branded ‘brave’ for participating in intimate photoshoots, is it any surprise many of us continue to blur the lines between self-belief and arrogance?
