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Dublin: 15 °C Monday 23 September, 2019

13 of the most depressing rental properties in Dublin this month

There isn’t an ounce of Christmas cheer in the Dublin rental market.

1. This flat in Blanchardstown that gives a totally new meaning to “I’m going to have a shower and get straight into bed afterwards”.

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Yes, that’s a shower in a bedroom. This property costs €1,000 per month.

2. For €800, you could come home to this very unusual kitchen situation every day.

You best not put anything heavy in those drawers, because you’ll need to move them out of the way every time you need to use the oven.

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Let’s hope you never need to use the microwave and oven at the same time either. There’s so little space in this kitchen that the kettle resides on top of the hob. Things are similarly awkward in the rest of this ‘studio’. If you need to get something from your wardrobe you better take your shoes off, because you’re going to need to climb onto the bed.

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This one is located in Cabra.

3. For €900 a month you could have this studio in Ranelagh.

You can almost hear the room screaming out “Please… Please… No more furniture. I can’t take anymore furniture!”

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But the decorator doesn’t care. The decorator laughs menacingly as they drop a coffee table into the already chaotic layout of this room. “Ha ha ha” they say, as they squish a sofa between the sink and the side of the bed, knowing full well a potential tenant will only ever be able to sit on half of the sofa.

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Obstructing the sofa alone is simply not enough. “How could I possibly make this dwelling a more irritating place to live?” they ask themselves. “Ah, I’ll make sure they can only open one wardrobe door.”

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4. If you’ve got €900 to spare every month, you can sleep on a sofa bed in Balbriggan.

This one looks very quaint and almost cute at first glance.

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But then we’re shown where the tenant is expected to sleep.

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Sofa beds aren’t intended for long term usage. They’re for sleepovers in your cousins house, or snoozing in when you go back to your parents’ home for Christmas. These mattresses definitely aren’t suitable for sleeping on every night of the week.

5. Then we have this studio for €890 per month on the South Circular Road.

This really resembles when you’re playing The Sims and you run out of money while you’re building a room so there’s a gap in the wall, but you plan on fixing it the next time you get a promotion in work and have a few extra Simoleons.

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At first glance, that looks like a mirror above the (absolutely rallied) couch, but it is in fact just a hole in the wall. Why? Who knows.

6. Then we have this little number in Phibsborough for €1,050 per month.

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What’s the story with that mattress? Things don’t look promising from alternative angles either…

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There’s no way there’s space for all of the stuff in that room as well as a bed (if there’s ever going to be one). So… Are you supposed to just tip the mattress over every time you want to hit the hay?

7. This one looks like a display in one of those museums that messes around with your sense of perception.

Are those giant kitchen appliances and a regular sized window or is the window small and just way too low down?

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The proportion is very reminiscent of Ned’s hallway in one of the best Simpsons scenes of all time:

Source: Out799/YouTube

This property is located in Fairview and is priced at €1,300 per month.

8. This studio that decided to built their kitchen up rather than out.

The microwave, fridge and freezer look as precariously placed as the bricks of a Jenga tower on your 9th turn.

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At least they managed to squeeze a bin in there. Then there’s the bathroom, which kind of looks like the WC of a rural petrol station.

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All of this could be yours for €800 on Dorset Street.

9. In Drumcondra we’ve got an even smaller studio apartment for €750.

The table is perfectly set up for a romantic meal for one, but if you want to access anything in that press under the sink it’s going to require some serious effort.

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There’s no denying that things have gotten way out of control. People are expected to fork out €750 a month in order to sleep in their kitchen in a single bed.

10. There’s so much going on with the walls in this Rathmines flat which costs €880 per month.

Is that the ghost of a door into another room? Then there’s a random strip of wood going up the wall at the bed, and a random wooden box all along where the ceiling meets the walls. It almost distracts you from the fact that there’s no press door on the cabinet above the microwave.

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At least the cushion on the  bed is coordinated with the cushions on the chairs though. The kitchen is a separate room – a rare luxury. However, like most of the properties featured today, there’s absolutely no way you’re getting anywhere near that press under the sink.

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11. For €1,000 a month you can actually just sleep on a sofa.

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Imagine curling up every single night on a sofa, looking at your oven, sink and mysterious white wall cylinder (photo below) knowing that you have paid €1,000 for this experience.

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At least the window is nice?

 12. This flat on the North Circular Road has an oven that honestly belongs in a museum.

It’s a long, long time since Power City have stocked anything like this.

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Coupled with the cherry-wood varnish, this looks like part of a hotel room in Salou that you paid €35 pps for on your leaving cert holiday in 2009. It continues throughout the property, right into the bedroom where once again, access to the cabinets is obstructed.

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The starkly contrasting colours in this room almost distract you from the big hole in the wardrobe door. Perhaps an old tenant booted the door in because they were frustrated that they couldn’t get anything in or out of the presses beside it.

 13. And this frankly terrifying ‘bed area’ in this €1,000 Lucan studio apartment.

Are those two giant teddies included?

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I’m actually too afraid to write anything else about this cursed image.

If all of that didn’t depress you enough, you can look at all of the other sad properties we’ve discovered by clicking here

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About the author:

Kelly Earley

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