Dublin: 14 °C Saturday 23 September, 2023
# check your lipstick
9 things that would happen if Naomi Campbell was the Rose of Tralee
The supermodel is the new face of Newbridge Silverware. Which only means one thing…

.  Pictured is international Leon Farrell / Photocall Ireland Leon Farrell / Photocall Ireland / Photocall Ireland

STOP EVERYTHING. Naomi Campbell is in Dublin, and she’s coming for your silverware.

The supermodel and fashion icon is the new face of Newbridge jewellery, and jetted into today to launch the brand’s new range. Everyone had a similar reaction:

What does Newbridge jewellery make us think of? Lovely Irish girls like Amy Huberman. Communion presents. Roses of Tralee.

Could Naomi Campbell be farther from this world? We don’t think so. But that hasn’t stopped us from imagining what it would be like if she entered the Rose of Tralee…

The Dome would be equipped with a runway to accommodate her walk

tumblr_mhmn5aPdFx1rpava7o1_500 Tumblr Tumblr

You couldn’t expect her to just stand there.

Only Naomi would be allowed to choose her own escort

Filming Fifty Shades 'not sexy' PA Wire / Press Association Images PA Wire / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

And they would not be ruddy-cheeked or jolly. She would make her selection from an exclusive list of Ireland’s most handsome men, including Michael Fassbender, Jamie Dornan and Domhnall Gleeson.

She would not wear a dress from the local debs/bridal shop

Tom Ford Autumn/Winter 2015 Womenswear Collection Presentation - Los Angeles Rob Latour / Invision/AP Rob Latour / Invision/AP / Invision/AP

Dáithí: “Isn’t that a lovely gúna. Doesn’t she look lovely?”
Naomi: “Oh darling, it’s more than lovely. It’s Tom Ford. He made it with his own hands. For me.”

And she’d get first pick of the accessories

Naomi Campbell’s dress would not be overpowered by a poorly-chosen Newbridge necklace’n'earrings combo. You can count on that.

Her talent? Giving us, the audience, a cold stare of disapproval.

giphy Giphy Giphy

We’d feel vaguely threatened, but awed at the same time.

Absolutely NO ONE would patronise her

Britain British Academy Television Awards AP / Press Association Images AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

Would you say “good girl yerself” to Naomi Campbell? Would you tell her she was a “mighty bit of stuff”? You wouldn’t.

And she wouldn’t fraternise with the competition backstage

tumblr_msvo8hSod41qzmyfdo1_500 Papermag Papermag

“We’re all friends here!” Nope, sorry.

U2 would replace the Garda Band

The 86th Academy Awards - Arrivals - Los Angeles AP / Press Association Images AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

Campbell and Adam Clayton may have broken up back in 1994, but he will still do anything she says at the drop of The Edge’s hat. This includes dutifully playing bass while Bono trills “The pale moon was RISING…”

And she would be completely unsurprised by her eventual, inevitable win

anigif_enhanced-buzz-8725-1365535965-2 Buzzfeed Buzzfeed

No “Ohmigod I can’t BELIEEEVE it” here. No tears. Just a serene smile of satisfaction. May she reign as Rose forever.

A Filthy Love Letter To The Chicken Fillet Roll>

Vogue Williams went to a ‘spanking class’ for her new RTÉ documentary>

Your Voice
Readers Comments
    Submit a report
    Please help us understand how this comment violates our community guidelines.
    Thank you for the feedback
    Your feedback has been sent to our team for review.