THE PRIMARK EMPIRE is built on candles. Trust us. They’re what keeps everyone coming back for more. It’s genius, really.
You never go in to buy one purposefully
You’re always pottering around, picking up the few bits, when suddenly… the candles. There they are. Looking at you.
You go around sniffing each one in turn
This is a very important ritual. No trip to Penneys is complete without it.
Then you spend a shameful amount of money on them in one go
Thirty of your finest Irish euros on scented wax. Your mother would weep.
And then regret it after you feel the weight of the bloody bag
Eh, can you triple bag that please.
You stock up if you like a particular scent, because who knows if you’ll ever see it again
That’s Penneys for you. Always breaking your heart.
But they just make you feel so FANCY
Who needs you, Diptyque. Feck off, Jo Malone. A €2.50 Penneys Champagne and White Rose candle and you’re away.
And like an actual grownup
That’s what adults do, right? Light candles and relax after a long day?
No one needs to know it’s an addiction
It’s fine. If you need us, we’ll be in the homewares section. Again.
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