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Dublin: 12 °C Sunday 15 September, 2019
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8 dangers of using your phone on the toilet

We’re only here to help.

AS WE ALL know, everyone takes their phone to the toilet these days. You’re probably reading this on your phone right now.

Because being on the toilet without your phone is a tedious – even lonely – experience.

Imgur

Not convinced? Here’s a bit of scientific research we commissioned on the subject:

However, this trend has introduced several important dangers into our lives.

Here’s what you’re contending with while ‘logging on’… *

* Sorry.

1. The Dunk

A perennial problem, but ESPECIALLY if you balance your phone on your leg while performing loo roll manoeuvres.

You can look forward to this view:

nerdist.com

2. Dead legs

Because this is the natural result of spending too long playing Angry Birds:

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And just wait ’til you try and stand up:

forgifs.com

3. Worried relatives

People can become concerned.

Also, pets get lonely.

Imgur/asrun

4. Tweeting or texting someone, then realising that they know you’re on the toilet at that moment

Taking your phone to the toilet is the habit that dare not speak its name.

5. The conundrum: If you’re talking to someone, do you flush?

Flickr/Genista

Waiting out the call while sitting on the toilet is obviously impossible. Which leaves you with just two options.

(a) Subterfuge

(b) Brazen it out

6. Forgetting yourself and becoming a YouTube star

75 million views later…

YouTube/Alonzo Chadwick

7. Accidentally hitting the wrong button

There you are, quietly browsing in your cubicle when suddenly BAM. Your fat finger hits ‘Play’ and this blares out:

YouTube/onedirectiion

There is only one possible reaction to this. And that is panic.

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8. And finally, unfortunate selfies

OK, so this is rare. But just remember. NO MATTER HOW HOT you feel you are looking, don’t kid yourself that taking a selfie is a good idea.

It can result in unfortunate consequences for you:

cloudfront.net

Or for somebody else:

cherryplucker.com

But wait! Here’s something that will change EVERYTHING about your phone/toilet habits:

You’ll probably do this in bed tonight… but you’re not alone>

The burning question*: Is it alright to take your phone to the toilet?>

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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