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Dublin: 16 °C Friday 24 May, 2019
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7 completely pointless* gadgets for the person who has everything

*Well, pretty much.

Vimeo/BERG

ARE YOU STRUGGLING for gift ideas? Do you need something that says “I spent money on this, but it is totally frivolous”?

Look no further. These gadgets have no point.

1. Instagram projector

YouTube/twodaytechnology

Do you feel that those sepia-toned photos of your breakfast/shoes/balcony aren’t being seen by enough people? Would you prefer to be able to project them onto giant surfaces so people have no choice but to look at them?

With this gadget, you can.* You’ll have to send away your photos to be transferred onto tiny little slides, which you can then put into a tiny little projector. “It works best in the dark,” apparently.

This is still at the Kickstarter stage, but give it time.

2. Soap sharpener

Pic: inewidea.com

Are YOU sick of picking up that heavy, heavy soap bar to wash your hands? This machine holds it suspended above your basin, then slices it into tiny pieces for lathering.

It’s actually more of a soap grater, but whatever.

3. Slippers with headlights

YouTube/InfomercialAgency

According to the infomercial above, these could basically save your life AND your marriage into the bargain. If that isn’t a reason to buy them immediately, I don’t know what is.

4. Handheld microwave

YouTube/iwavecube

For when you’re on the go and you realise you’ve come out without your microwave.

Check out the moment at 0.50 in the video above, where the woman is heating something for the person in a hospital bed in her kitchen while two human face masks sit on the counter. Um.

5. Self-sterilising keyboard

Pic: vioguard.com

A keyboard which retracts into a metal shell and sterilises itself between each use.

Admittedly, we can see how this might be useful in a hospital. But why not turn it into a great superfluous home gift for the gadget freak/hypochondriac in your life?

6. Little Printer


Vimeo/BERG

You know the internet? Well what if we could print it out onto tiny, pointless piece of paper?

Presenting the Little Printer.

7. Sweetcorn kerneler

Who wants to get the sweetcorn off the cob with their boring old teeth? Why not purchase an item of technology to do the job for you?

Coming soon: a device that also eats, digests and comments upon your dinner. “Ah, that was lovely.”

There is also a budget alternative:

YouTube/apertiplay

More: 9 retro Christmas gifts we all wanted>

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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