CRAWLING INTO BED after a two or three-day session is a seriously bittersweet experience.
We’ve all been there: your eyes are practically vibrating in your head with exhaustion as you drag a toothbrush across your teeth and whimper over having to re-join decent society the following day.
You know your body is in desperate need of rest if you’re going to face the days ahead, but you’re also acutely aware that the night’s sleep you’re about to endure will be one of the least restful of your life.
Longing for a good night’s sleep after a rake of drink, but knowing you’re unlikely to get it would bring a tear to a glass eye.
And here are just seven reasons it’s such a traumatic experience.
1. You literally cannot get to sleep.
You’ve survived on feck-all sleep for the entire weekend, and despite the fact you’re physically and mentally exhausted, your body just refuses to shut off.
You’ve thought of nothing but bed for most of the evening, and now that you’re finally in it, you’re literally incapable of sleep.
2. You cannot regulate your temperature.
You’re either overheating and pumping sweat or you’re shivering with a serious bout of the chills.
Flipping the pillow doesn’t work, flipping the duvet doesn’t work, removing clothes doesn’t work, adding clothes doesn’t work; the world has forsaken you.
3. You teeter on the edge of sleep for hours.
If a deep sleep is like diving into the ocean, the night’s sleep you get after a session is like dipping your toes in bathwater.
You might sleep for about 11 minutes before waking up with what feels like the onset of a heart attack. You twitch, jerk, tremble and quiver while trying not to think about how long you have until your alarm goes off.
4. Random parts of your body begin aching.
You’ve endured a sick stomach and a throbbing head for the guts of the day, but once you crawl into bed, your body starts acting up in different ways.
You begin to ache all over, and cannot fathom why. If your hips don’t start twinging, your toenails start acting up.
5. You have to switch positions every seven minutes.
If you’re not flipping around your bed like a fish out of water then you’ve never endured the true horror of a night’s sleep after a serious weekend session.
The new position works momentarily before you realise you’ve been lulled into a false sense of security and it’s time to try a new one.
6. Your mind plays tricks on you.
If you haven’t convinced yourself that the dressing gown hanging on the back of your bedroom door is a serial killer at 4am, you’ve escaped the worst of a post session-sleep.
Your discarded suitcase looks like a coffin, your laundry pile is a homicidal troll and your curtains conceal the worst the world has to offer.
7. The best part of your sleep happens 22 minutes before your alarm goes off.
Less than half an hour before your alarm is due to go off, your body starts to relax, your heart stops hammering, and your mind starts to shut off.
Your duvet is finally doing its job, your pillow is finally comfortable and you realise the 457th position you’ve chosen is the one that’s going to work, and you finally – FINALLY- drift off.
And then your alarm goes off.
