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the gaff

11 stages of 'a few drinks' before a night out

It has to be done.

MANY OF THE BEST nights out start at someone’s house. It’s normally where the best craic happens before everyone gets lost to the beautiful complexities of the evening out itself.

So here are the inevitable stages we all go through when pre-drinking:

1. The important decision of whose gaff you’re drinking in

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“Her place is nicer, but his has better speakers. This is a big call.”

The proximity to your eventual night out location and the ease that you can get there are also crucial factors to consider.

2. The careful selection of your drink

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Your selection sets the tone for the night. You want some semblance of quality but it’s pre-drinking so you have to keep the price down as well. Do you buy some communal stock? Decisions.

3. The calm before the storm

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Your place has been chosen but nobody has come over yet. You’ve lugged your drink back from the shop and everything is nicely laid out. There is a strange calmness over the place, as you look out on the living room that in a few hours will be a debauched mess of random items everywhere.

4. The 17 missed calls as friends start to arrive at the door

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The slow trickle of friends have started to pitch up. Prepare yourself for much door-opening and constantly checking your phone.

5. Two people subtly fight for supremacy over the music

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When the party is in full swing, there will always be people wanting to decide the flow of tunes. This is inevitable – let them at that.

6. The discussion of where to go will rear its head early enough

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“Ah, we can’t go there, the queue is miles long.”

7. Sly contact starts to be made with the outside world

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Texts like “Where are you guys going?” start being sent to nail down where the party be at tonight.

8. Panic sets in over what time to leave

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One under-pressure patron will always be like: “IF WE DON’T LEAVE NOW, WE WON’T GET IN”

You nearly always get in.

9. Somebody runs out of drink, requiring the “borrowing” of someone else’s

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Hello, you.

10. Rounding up people like cattle to get them out the door to the taxis

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“TAXIS WILL BE HERE IN FIVE MINUTES.”

*everyone ignores you*

11. And finally… the massive clean-up always awaits

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You, the next morning.

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But it was totally worth it.

More 6 unique ways to throw the ultimate birthday party>

More 10 mortifying elements of the Irish night out>

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