IF YOU WERE to define the term ‘people-pleaser’, how would you do it?
A selfless individual who consistently prioritises other people’s contentment over their own?
Or a spineless individual, who is incapable of speaking up for themselves for fear of appearing anything but inoffensive and accommodating?
Sincere and altruistic or weak-willed and disingenuous; the term ‘people-pleaser’ can be a divisive one.
While some might laud those who identify as ‘people-pleasers’ and appreciate their efforts, others might provide handy hints on how to extricate yourself from a mindset that suggests that anything other than utter deference is a one-way ticket to a life of misery and isolation.
There are myriad reasons you might self-identify as a ‘people-pleaser’ or, indeed, have had a colleague or loved one do it for you, but if it’s a mindset which has been to your detriment, you’re not alone.
In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Saoirse Ronan admitted that it’s something she has struggled with, but ultimately overcame during her most recent project.
While reflecting on her role as Mary Queen of Scots in the eponymously-named film, the actress said her character’s approach to personal fulfilment caused her to consider her own approach.
It sounds really cheesy, but because she was so determined to protect her decision, regardless of who she upset, that was massive for me, because I’m such a people-pleaser naturally.
The 24-year-old gave an insight into the external factors which ultimately caused a shift in her perspective, saying: “When I was playing Mary, Lady Bird was doing really well. I was being thrown into a world that I hadn’t been thrown into in that way before, to that degree.”
With that came big decisions, and not being able to necessarily keep everyone happy all the time. And that’s something that really would’ve bothered me before.
Through playing Mary, Saoirse learned to become more mindful, and subsequently sought to prioritise herself, if at all possible.
Channelling her character, who she described as a ‘fighter who had a bit of fire in her belly’, Saoirse internalised the message that no matter how much of a people-pleaser you might be, ensuring the contentment of everyone is virtually impossible.
As such, it’s worth considering your own happiness before automatically relegating it to second place at every opportunity.
Through playing Mary, it helped me just think, ‘I have to do what’s right for me and what’s right for my work, and I’ll never be able to keep everyone happy’.
It’s certainly something to think about if you spent much of 2018 resenting your compulsion to prioritise everyone else over yourself.
