A BRIEF CAREER in a choir of some description has been a rite of passage for musically-inclined Irish people since the dawn of time.
If you could hold any sort of a tune, you were in, and the fun and games didn’t let up from there.
1. Having sheet music coming out your ears
You were either the neat binder-and-poly-pockets person or the eh-I’ll-just-gather-it-all-up-into-a-pile person.
2. Forming very strong opinions on which vocal section is the best
Altos, obviously. The sopranos think they’re SO GREAT but they’re NOT. (Even if alto parts are no fun to sing. You have to stick together.)
3. And annoying your family by singing your parts repeatedly around the house
Oh how they must have loved hearing you screech away at the descant line from Adeste Fideles!
4. Having a favourite one of the ‘short hymns’
Were you an A Íosa Fuair Tú Bás fan? Or maybe you liked The Great Amen? You could always give that one socks.
5. Being envious of that one kid who was genuinely very talented
Brought everyone to tears during O Holy Night, did she? Well she was pitchy on the especially high ‘diVIIIIIIIIIINE’, so.
6. But then getting a solo once and thinking you were all that and a bag of chips
OK, so maybe it was the two lines in the middle of the Alleluia, but it still counted.
7. Helping a fellow choir member who got faint during an especially long Mass
Someone ALWAYS got faint. Very dramatic altogether.
8. Getting told off for messing during an especially long Mass
Could they really expect much better from a bunch of teenagers?
9. Running out of breath trying to sing a big long Gloria
GloooOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOoooo- *gasp* – ria.
Your poor music teacher tried to tell you all to sneak a breath at different times to prevent everyone gasping as one, but did you listen? Nah.
10. Getting all excited when your teacher said you were going to learn a ‘pop’ song
But then it turned out to be Feelin’ Groovy by Simon and Garfunkel or something equally ancient.
Not something you’d be hugely opposed to now, but at 14? Feck off, Mrs Murphy.
11. Worrying yourselves sick about having to sing in front of the rest of the school
What if they laugh at us? What if I squeak during my solo? I’ll never survive!
12. Singing in illustrious venues
Like the local Dunnes. Or a lorry that has been repurposed as a stage. Or just right there on the street with people trying to not make eye contact with you.
13. Going on a bus (wow!) to another town (WOW!) to compete in some choral competition or other
Think Glee, but take away the Broadway-standard singing and add terrible school uniforms.
14. And even now, being unable to hear certain songs without harmonising along
Once an alto/soprano/bass/baritone/tenor, always an alto/soprano/bass/baritone/tenor.
