ALRIGHT, IT’S STILL winter but the days are getting longer – and some days we can almost fool ourselves that it’s spring already.
You know what spring means? Spring CLEANING. We’ve all indulged in some lazing around during the darker months – but now it’s time to spring forward and clean up your messy, messy gaff.
These are the telltale signs that you’ve let it slide for that little bit too long. The signs that you need to COP ON and do the cleaning.
1. You’re down to emergency jocks
You haven’t done a wash in tiiiime. You’re down to those pants you should have thrown away three years ago with the cartoon motif and frayed elastic.
“It’s fine,” you reassure yourself as they dig into your hip bones. “This is fine.”
2. You’re playing Tetris with bin bags
You know in your heart you should take out the bins. But… But… You’re not going to. Not right now. If this milk carton fits in the bin, be that one top, squeezed in the side or floating somewhere around the bottom, I don’t need to take it out yet.
3. You don’t even wanna THINK about the shower drain
So let’s just not think about it.
4. Even you don’t believe the hoover bag excuse any more
You’ll hoover when you get new bags? You’ll hoover when you’ve picked up the stuff from the floor? And when will that be, 2016?
5. Pizza boxes of shame have accumulated
Not just one round of takeaway. Maybe even two rounds. You’re blaming not cleaning up on a particularly lazy, heavy weekend – but the truth is you could build a fort from those pizza boxes. (And have vaguely considered trying, to distract yourself from the urgent cleaning that needs doing.)
6. The bottle bank seems light-years away
Aeons away. Hmm. Maybe some more wine will help the overwhelming glass bottle recycling pile.
7. You’re eating cereal out of a mug
And you’re rewashing that one fork you’ve been using for everything over and over rather than tackle the Mount Everest of washing-up in the sink.
8. What looks like a “floordrobe” actually has an organisational structure
No, it’s NOT just a jumbled mass of clothing. It’s a complex filing system that just SO HAPPENS to be spread all over the floor and every available surface.
9. No one’s allowed come over
While you’re able to justify all of the above to yourself, you know in your heart of hearts that it’s deeply shameful. No one darkens the door of your house/flat until the mess is sorted. Which will be, um, next week maybe.
Yeah, definitely next week.
