1. You’ve forgotten how to do basic maths, but you still know all the words to the songs from Alive-O
CONNECTED, CONNECTED, YOU AND I CONNECTED!
2. Molly and Rossa were two of your best pals when you were small
3. You suddenly know people who are engaged and have children… and it’s not a big scandal
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Oh right, yeah, we’re 26.
4. And you still half expect to be sitting at the kids table at weddings
5. If your aunty isn’t asking you about your love life, she’s asking if you wouldn’t consider emigrating at all
“My Darren loves it in Dubai. And the Skype? It’s a great thing. You wouldn’t consider going yourself, no?”
6. Thanks to emigration, you’ve received over 47 Facebook invites over the years to events entitled “Goodbye Drinks!!!” or “Farewell, Dublin”
Yes, you’ve seen off many a pal with pints over the years.
7. You’ve been forced to consider taking an unpaid internship at some point
8. And if you have worked an unpaid internship, you’ve likely had to explain to relatives that, no, you don’t get any money, but it’s okay because you’re getting so much experience
“It’s so hands on!” you say as you pray they’ll slip you a fiver.
9. You have looked on in horror as 90s trends like jelly shoes have come back into style
But… I wore those when I was 9.
WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?
10. You’ve channeled your inner 10-year-old and roared all the words to C’est La Vie in a nightclub
“I’ll huff, I’ll puff, I’ll huff, I’ll puff, I’ll blow you away!”
11. And you’re still eagerly awaiting the Samantha Mumba comeback tour
(Even if you still subconsciously associate the song Body 2 Body with car accidents.)
12. The idea that children doing their Junior Cert in 2016 were born in 2001/2002 makes you feel physically ill
13. Footballers/actors/singers being younger than you is a relatively new phenomenon and you’re still not used to it
In fact, you don’t think you’ll ever be okay with Saoirse Ronan still only being 21. (How is she still only 21? She’s been famous for one million years! This is not right!)
14. Your Mam is under the impression that you’ve started setting aside a little bit every month…
Because you have told her this on several occasions. “It’s a good habit to get into,” says your Mam as you nod in agreement.
15. When in reality, this is you checking your bank balance…
16. Every so often, you just sit back and think about what you would have done with those extra points they get now for sitting honours Maths in the Leaving Cert
“Perhaps I would have become a doctor. My life could have been so different.”
17. It breaks your heart to spend more than €9 on a bottle of wine
Even if you’re earning more money than you were as a 22-year-old, your eyes will always be drawn to that bottle marked “€7.99 – great value!”
18. You regard anyone who brings bottles of fancy beer to a party as fancy and sophisticated
Oh, Sierra Nevada, is it? No bags of cans for you? Someone’s fierce fancy.
19. You talk about lads/gals you’ve “shifted” as opposed to people you’ve “dated”
A date? Can we not just go for pints and have a messy shift at midnight?
20. In fact, the only kind of dates you’ve been on are Tinder dates
A totally different kettle of fish, to be honest.
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21. You’ve been known to sneak a naggin into a pub from time to time
22. And you feel no shame about it whatsoever
That doesn’t come until you’re 30. (Or so you hear.)
