IT’S D-DAY, PEOPLE. And by D, we clearly mean dinner.
Today is the day that you eat the meal to end them all. The one you think about weeks in advance. The one you savour.
However, its not without its challenges. Here are the eight stages of eating your Christmas dinner.
1. Excitement
Sometimes this starts weeks before the actual event, when simply the knowledge that a full Christmas dinner is in your future gets the juices flowing. It’s at its peak during the last few days before Christmas when the ingredients begin to appear.
2. Apprehension
There’s a lot going on on Christmas Day, but there’s still room in your brain to anticipate the pleasures that await you. The turkey is in the oven, the stuffing has been made up and you don’t know if you can actually wait for the main event to start!
3. Impatience
The final stretch before sitting down to dinner is often the most painful. You can smell the deliciousness you’re about to delve into… why can’t you just start eating?!? I’ll tell you why, because the bloody gravy isn’t ready yet. Always waiting for the bloody gravy.
4. Adrenaline
Your adrenaline starts pumping as you spoon the delicious food onto your plate, saliva pooling in your cheeks as golden roast potatoes and juicy slices of turkey nestle into each other. You may even take a photo of the plate once you’ve gotten it together to show others the beauty of your creation. The moment you’ve been waiting for is nearly here!
5. Joy
The first beautiful bite is a veritable taste explosion. Your very own perfectly assembled bit of deliciousness, and the joy you feel is second to none.
‘Why do we only have Christmas dinner once a year?’ you ask yourself. Why not treat yourself to something this beautiful several times a year?
6. Fear
Oh God. You’re already starting to feel full and you’re only halfway through your plate. What if you can’t get it all in? You shovel the food in, faster and faster, you are in a race against your stomach to ensure you can devour enough.
7. Despair
You could weep. It was only minutes ago that you were an empty vessel, waiting to be filled with some of God’s greatest taste creations, and now you couldn’t even fit a pea in. How did this happen? How did things change so fast? Will you ever be able to eat again?
8. Acceptance
It’s over. The sweet joy of Christmas dinner is over.
