Dublin: 13 °C Saturday 22 June, 2024

The 10 stages of JOMO you’ll experience from the sofa tonight

Pure and utter JOY.

SO WE’VE ALL experienced FOMO at some stage, but what about when we’re genuinely happy to be staying in? That experience is embarrassingly known as JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out), or at least that’s what some people are trying to make happen, including us.

No, we’re not talking spiritual spiritly spirituality, just plain ol ‘not arsed going out’, SERIOUSLY this time.

It looks a bit like this.

1. Exhaustion

This week has been soooooo looooooong and you’re just about done with everything. Those two mid-week sessions were a mistake. In better news, it’s Friday so you’re basically free to sleep from 6pm this evening to 6am Monday.


2. Panic

DAMN. Orla is home from Australia tonight and she wants to see ‘the gang’, one of which is YOU. Yes, YOU.

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Then you check your Facebook invitations and SURE ENOUGH, you said you’d go.


3. Reasoning

Think of ways to get out of it. Surely your childhood friend that you haven’t seen in six years won’t mind you bailing.




4. Pure unadulterated relief


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There is only one previously documented relief of this level on record, and that is peeing when you’re absolutely bursting to go.


5. Resentment

Why are you so lame? Let’s ponder that while we write a shopping list full of beige food to inhale later tonight.

Simpsons-GIF Foodriot Foodriot

6. Superiority

Is there anything better than the night-in shop? Pass by girlos in heels and lads in buttoned-up shirts and know you’re doing the right thing.


7. Comfort

Now you’re just looking for ways to make yourself extra comfortable in case a smidgeon of FOMO creeps in. Pajamas go on unacceptably early, after a BATH of course.


You might even leave the heat on past the point of standard warmth.

8. Reassurance

EFFORT of getting ready, it’s freezing outside, and everything is so far away. Television chat shows are overloaded with amazing guests and basically everyone OUT living their lives are missing out.


Just don’t be the one that has to tell everyone on Facebook, no one believes you.

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9. A sliver of doubt

While you’re online, tell yourself they’re not having fun if they’re constantly posting pics, even if they ARE with a bunch of a-list celebrities they just happened to run into in the local.


10. Sweet, beautiful rest

Go to bed decent time. Get up for activities. No fear, no horrific inbox of shame. NOW you’re ready to go out.


The 10 stages of FOMO you’ll go through tonight>

The 23 stages of the weekend everyone goes through>

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