Dublin: 18 °C Thursday 24 June, 2021

Here's one thing we all need to stop doing in bed

Enough is enough.

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At one time in secondary school they were the pinnacle of sexual achievement for lads across the country.

But now we’re all adults they are way down the bottom of the list of things we should be doing.

Why? Well, every single thing you could be doing together is more enjoyable than a handjob

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For both parties involved

Tweet by @maddy Source: maddy/Twitter

EVERYONE is aware that handjobs are better than nothing

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But we’re not comparing them to nothing here – we’re comparing them to other sexual stuff

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And it’s in that context that handjobs are the worst

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We’re all adults now – we can ditch the handjobs

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Only to be broken out in emergency circumstances

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Because there’s no denying that they are arguably the most portable of loving acts

Tweet by @Carli Davila Source: Carli Davila/Twitter

But take that one plus point away and you have an awkward stroking technique that has long since lost its appeal

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The weight of public opinion is against handjobs

Tweet by @Pause. Source: Pause./Twitter

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Their time has come and gone

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More Why shower sex is simply the worst thing ever>

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About the author:

David Elkin

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