DATING IN IRELAND is a lot different to dating in the movies.
It’s less courting, more drunken chats over a post-nightclub kebab. Here are some super-serious tips to getting it RIGHT on this day of days.
1. Get your mate to set you up
It’s totally not cool to actually approach someone and express interest. What are you, desperate? Get your friend to do the talking, so you can skip it all and get down to the drunken, dark, shift.
2. Don’t ask them out straight away
Or even let them know you like them, really. Just keep texting them until they eventually give you the slightest hint that they want to meet up. This may take up to a month, so be patient.
3. In fact, don’t ask them out at all
Just meet up. Dates are for bowel movements and American teen rom-coms. Just do what you’d normally do, but with them. So romantic, really.
4. The cinema is the only option for the first meet-up
In our Irish minds, it’s perfect. There’s always one nearby, and it’s got a perfect dark, loud environment that will prevent you from speaking or communicating with each other for a few hours.
5. Make paying for things as awkward as possible
At the ticket booth, the snack counter, at the pub afterwards… always stall as long as possible to see if the other will pay. You don’t want the woman to get offended, but you don’t want the guy to think you’re looking for a free ride or dismissing his attempts to treat you–so best to just play chicken.
6. Small talk should be kept to who you have in common and where you went to college
It doesn’t matter how old you are.
7. Don’t immediately text back
What are you, still desperate?
8. Put more time into getting their mammy to like you than them themselves
Don’t even bother trying to impress them past the third date, it’s all about getting in with their mammy now.
9. Don’t compliment each other past the first few dates
We don’t want them losing the run of themselves, and you’ll both just get embarrassed.