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a cheeky christmas

8 terrible Christmas singles that everyone wishes they could forget

Please, PLEASE leave our brains.

WHAT IS IT about Christmas that compels people to make terrible music?

Over the years, some truly awful songs have made their way into the Christmas lexicon (*cough* Paul McCartney *cough*)  - but worse songs, thankfully, have failed. Let’s look back in anger.

1. Have A Cheeky Christmas – The Cheeky Girls

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Remember the Cheeky Girls, who were introduced to the world in 2003 on Popstars: The Rivals? They had a brief flirtation with the charts after their appearance on the show, the culmination of which was this grimly tuneless Christmas single. Just bad.

“Getting sexy in the snow”, indeed.

2. Proper Crimbo – Bo Selecta

Before Keith Lemon, comedian Leigh Francis was annoying people as Avid Merrion, the lead character in Bo Selecta. Of course, he had a Christmas single, performed as ‘Craig David’ and ‘Michael Jackson’.

EForEther / YouTube

Not even the top celebrities of 2003 could make this tolerable.

3. Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby

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Noel Edmonds, what hell hath thy House Party wrought?

The nightmarish children’s character released this incomprehensible single in 1993, which promptly beat out Meat Loaf and Take That to become Christmas Number One.

Blobby, Mr Blobby, if only you could make us understand. If only.

4. Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo – South Park

Bigbadguns / YouTube

Mr Hankey has a special place in the hearts of those who were young enough in 1997 to find it absolutely hilarious. It was a Christmas song! About a POO!

For mums and dads, it was probably a nightmare. We’re sorry.

5. Last Christmas – Crazy Frog

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Just upsetting. We’re not even going to link to somewhere you can listen to this, because come on.

6. The Millennium Prayer – Cliff Richard

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The words of the Lord’s Prayer, sung to Auld Lang Syne. Thanks, Sir Cliff. Thanks a lot.

7. Somethin’ Stupid – Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman

Somethin stupid

Nobody asked for this. Nobody wanted this. But we got it anyway, back in 2001. Cheers, Rob’n'Nic.

8. Fairytale of New York – Ronan Keating and Moya Brennan

Sportymike / YouTube

Just hearing Ronan trying to imitate Shane MacGowan’s croak is enough to make us want to cancel the whole bleeding holiday. Why did you do it, Ronan?

A Definitive Ranking Of Christmas Carols, From Worst To Best>

8 spectacularly bad Christmas films you won’t believe exist>

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