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The 13 types of coffee drinker

We’re all just slaves to the sweet nectar.

COFFEE IS A big part of our lives. We’re not sure why. It’s not particularly flavoursome and it’s basically terrible for you.

But somehow, we all keep going back for more.

Here are the 13 types of coffee drinker that can’t get enough of the tarry elixir:

1. The instant drinker

Sure, it has some lumps and bumps, but sure doesn’t it all add a bit of texture. The instant drinker is too busy for your fancy nonsense, coffee-flavoured hot water will have to do.

modern instant coffee Charles Jeffrey Danoff Charles Jeffrey Danoff

2. Syrupy wonders

These people attempt to disguise the taste of coffee with as much whipped cream and seasonal flavoured syrup as possible. The finished product often resembles a sundae. Both ‘ating and drinkin’ in that.

Caramel Apple Cream at Cafe Latte benreichelt benreichelt

3. The snob

They refuse to visit popular chains, claiming that an independent coffee cart hidden in a ditch is the ‘best in Ireland’. Instant is a major no-no– only the finest arabica beans will do. They’ll drink it black, with no milk, and God forbid there’s no crema on the espresso.

967a922fd8a501a1d53dfeea113e86b7 Isok Isok

4. The ‘fancy’ creation consumers

Coffee isn’t coffee without lashings of milk, foam and chocolate powder. They drink lattes, cappuccinos, macchiatos– and actually know what that means.

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5. Frappuccino fanatics

There’s more cream and sugar in their cup than actual coffee. Basically, these people want a milkshake.

Frappuccino yoshimov yoshimov

6. The bean aficionado

Bean aficionados can tell the difference between coffee from Colombia, Ethiopia, and Kenya with a simple smell. They SO over latte art, work on getting the acidity right first.

Coffee Beans ppdesigns ppdesigns

7. Caffeine addicts

Addicts don’t actually like the taste of coffee but need it to function. Can usually be spotted looking like dehydrated zombies, even after their fourth cup.

Hot-coffee Nocookie Nocookie

8. The clean-living decaf fan

The opposite of an addict. They like coffee for the taste, and as a result, are generally shamed and segregated among coffee slaves.

Decaf is not cool! adactio adactio

9. The former addict

They’ll tell you how bad coffee is for you, and the terrible headaches they used to get before they went cold turkey. Now they only drink organic green tea and are basically way better than you.

tumblr_inline_moiaedb1YF1rexayy Tumblr Tumblr

10. The haters

They’ll turn up their nose at anything remotely coffee flavoured or scented. Try to lure them in with coffee cake, chocolate or ice-cream and they’ll be sure to let you know how disgusting you are.

gross Thegloss Thegloss

11. The thrill-seeker

The weirder the coffee, the better. Whether it’s lumpy Turkish coffee or Kopi Luwak (coffee berries eaten and excreted by an Asian palm civet), they’ll try it all.

Civet coffee,what it is all about oldandsolo oldandsolo

12. The social drinker

“We should go for coffee,” actually means something to them. This lot don’t really have a clue about the ins and outs of ordering and can usually be seen staring gormlessly at the menu board while trying to figure out which is the smallest out of a venti and a grande.

At the cafe jakub_hla jakub_hla

13. Nespresso owners

Knows everything there is to know about nespresso machines and their corresponding capsules because they saw George Clooney with one and just had to have it. Now they have a strange loyalty to the brand. Slate it and die.

nespresso capsules tlossen tlossen

The 13 types of tea drinker>

What’s the best time of day to drink a cup of coffee?>

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