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Dublin: 7 °C Thursday 12 December, 2019
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10 pains of online shopping that everyone will understand

Convenient Christmas shopping has never been so terrifying.

ONLINE SHOPPING IS a massive pain. Sure, you can avoid the queues, do it in your pyjamas and easily compare prices.

But still, the horror. Anyone who has ever cruised the vast realms of eCommerce can identify with these annoyances. Smug online shoppers, be no more.

1. Navigating is a terror

Unless you know EXACTLY what you’re after, it’s a wild web out there.

So many categories. So many links.

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2. Estimating sizes and converting sizes

Grand so there’s S, L, XL, but what of it?! So XS is a 6, is that an american 6 or a UK 6? Why does it say Europe 28? Ireland is in Europe. Why are there so many measurements?

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Click into the sizing charts if you dare. IS THAT MY WAIST?

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3. Your basket isn’t actually there in front of you

You’re mid browse and you’ve pretty much forgotten the dozens of things your basket is telling you you’ve committed to buying. Clicking on it takes you to the payment zone aka the fifth circle of hell where escaping is not an option.

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4. Reviews wreck all buzzes that ever buzzed

While they can be a help, they can also hinder. Your heart is set on something and some lad named Dennis from Kentucky said it’s crap. What to do now?

Might just pick up that book I wanted to read instead…

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5. There are extra security hoops to jump through

Those three words that instil terror in the souls of online shoppers, ‘Verified by Visa’.

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Why can we never remember our password? Why does it insist on locking us out of our account JUST as we get to the top of the queue on Ticketmaster?

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6. Double addresses

We already entered our address. Now we need a billing address and a delivery address and it’s all the same because we only ever buy stuff for ourselves and why can’t you just accept that?

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7. Uncertainty

Oh dear God why hasn’t it confirmed.

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8. The delivery methods

First there are the hidden charges, then there’s the whole wait for the tracking information to be updated… mental torture.

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9. You’re bound to them for LIFE

Or at least until you unsubscribe from their incessant mailing lists. The dreaded ‘recommended for you’ emails from Amazon and promotional newsletters that will tell you how to ‘keep cosy for Christmas’. We didn’t ask for this harrowing fate, it was inflicted upon us.

Basically, this is your inbox every day. You can check out, but you can never leave.

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10. The wait

There’s nothing worse than the ‘surprise’ arrival of drunk purchases. Well, except the wait when we actually really want something. The whole point of shopping is that we get gratification NOW.

Oh convenience and technological advancements, why do you take so much from us?

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Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen visited Santa together and sat on his knee>

Best family ever cover We Can’t Stop to create brilliant Christmas card>

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