Dublin: 9 °C Thursday 27 January, 2022

15 things everyone does but nobody ever talks about

Say it loud and say it proud.

THIS POST IS indebted to this Reddit thread, among other disgusting things. Are you ready?

1. Fart loudly when alone

Source: Giphy

It’s the little luxuries.

2. Get a text, imagine your reply, and then realise hours later that you never replied

Source: Giphy

3. Sit comfortably with a hand down your pants

Source: Elsie esq.

It’s not a sexual thing. It just sort of… happens sometimes for comfort reasons.

4. Win devastating arguments with people in your head

Source: Giphy

And then feel weirdly angry with them when you next meet.

5. Try to work out a way to secretly sniff your armpit without anyone noticing

Source: Giphy

6. Check to see not just the number of likes your Facebook pic got, but WHO liked it

Source: Giphy

7. Pick your nose and examine the results

Source: HazPhotos

Otherwise how will you know if your brain is leaking?

8. Pick up your underwear from the floor with your toes, then skilfully fling it up and catch it

Source: Pandawhale

Or is that just me? *brushes shoulders off*

9. Pretend you’re performing the song that’s playing to a sold-out stadium

Source: Giphy

And the crowd GOES WILD for the breakdown.

10. Have occasional sex dreams about completely inappropriate people

Source: Giphy

Marty Morrissey? Is that you?

11. Pretend not to notice someone you knew from way back

Source: Giphy

It was a long time ago, you’ve lost contact… wouldn’t it be easier to just go about your business? (Yes.)

12. Sniff your fingers after scratching

Source: Imgur

Important hygiene practice.

13. Pee in the shower

Source: Giphy

Nature has called upon us all at the wrong moment. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

14. Accidentally spit on someone’s face while talking

Source: Imgur

It’s loud, you’ve had a couple of drinks, you’re speaking very passionately… and there it goes.

*wipes face discreetly*

15. Look before flushing

Source: Micah Sittig

Is it pride? Is it fear? Is it Gillian McKeith-style health monitoring? Perhaps all three.

 More reassurance: 16 things that everyone else does too>

About the author:

Michael Freeman

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