1. This is not acceptable
2. We don’t know what you’ve been told about Spar, but it’s not that great
Convenient, sure.
Worth a photograph? Absolutely not.
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3. There are plenty of places to stop if you need to consult your map/figure out where you’re going, but the middle of a busy footpath is not one of them
4. We don’t mean to look surly when you scream at us from the Viking Spash Bus, but we’ve just been roared at once too often
It’s not your fault. We’re just jaded.
5. Yes, we’re from here, but no, we don’t know how to get to the Guinness Storehouse from here
Well, technically we do. But it’s just tooooo complicated to explain.
Make this easier for both of us and ask someone else.
6. You don’t need to wear mountaineering gear while walking around the place
Yes, it rains sometimes, but the conditions aren’t that treacherous.
A normal coat will suffice, we promise.
7. Oh, we can see you getting handsy with Molly Malone
*shakes head with disapproval*
*deletes similar photo of you groping Molly Malone taken in 2008*
8. Unfortunately, we almost certainly don’t know your cousins
“Where are you from?”
“Carlow.”
“My great-grandfather came from Roscommon!”
“That means nothing to me, sorry.”
Ireland is small, but it’s not that small.
9. We’re not being mean if we laugh at your pronunciation of a town, we swear.
You can get us back when we make a hames of pronouncing the name of a French wine, we swear.
10. No, you can’t use notes on the bus and, yes, we know it’s annoying
But now that you know, maybe you can be prepared and have your €2.55 ready next time?
11. Pints are expensive, but there’s no reason you should be spending more than €5.50 on one (and even that’s on the dear end)
If you’re paying €6.95 or whatever, you’re in the wrong pub.
12. Finally, we’re sorry we ruined your photo on the Ha’penny Bridge
What can we say? We were in a rush.
