WE’RE NOT LYING. We’re just being creative with the truth.
1. “I want to stop eating crap and have more fruits and vegetables.”
What they mean: “I’m going to buy a load of fruit and veg in my next Big Shop. I will eat one banana and a handful of spinach and then let them all rot. *shrugs*”
2. “Yeah mam and dad, I’ll make sure to get travel insurance. OK, bye. Byebyebyebyebye.”
What they mean: “I’m just agreeing with this to placate you both. I have no intention of doing the thing you want me to do. OK, bye. Byebyebyebyebye.”
3. “What are my plans? Well, I’m thinking of doing a TEFL course.”
What they mean: “There are no plans. None. Go away.”
4. “I’m going to get myself some nice wine as a payday treat.”
What they mean: “I’m going to get wine that costs €8 instead of €6. This is the LIFE.”
5. “This shirt is hand wash only? Oh, I must do that as soon as possible.”
What they mean: “This shirt will stay at the bottom of my laundry pile for, oh, four months? Then I will give up and throw it into a normal wash. Fingers crossed!”
6. “Sorry, my room is a bit messy.”
What they mean: “My room looks like a bomb hit it. You know that, I know that, but let’s pretend it’s just ‘messy’.”
7. “Yeah, I’ve had my dinner.”
What they mean: “I’ve had a spoon of peanut butter and a dry bagel that was just a tiny bit mouldy, but not mouldy enough to throw out. In other words: dinner.”
8. “John has a new girlfriend? I did not know that!”
What they mean: “Of course I know that. I’ve scrolled deep into her Instagram, her friends’ Instagrams, and the Instagrams of their cousins. I know everything.”
9. “Going home to see the parents at the weekend! It’ll be nice.”
What they mean: “I’m going to eat all of their food. I hope they baby me a bit. I do miss being babied.”
10. “One student ticket, please.”
What they mean: “Please don’t ask to see my (expired) student card. Give me this one win. Please.”
