Dublin: 18 °C Saturday 25 September, 2021

8 things you say to your co-workers... and what they actually mean

Says: “Does anyone want tea?” Thinks: “Nobody will want tea, nobody will want tea. DAMN YOU FOR WANTING TEA!”

AH, YOUR CO-WORKERS. Inhabiting that very weird space between friend and stranger, communicating with them can be a minefield.

Sometimes honesty has to take a back seat for peace and harmony to reign supreme. Speak your mind? At the office? You have to be joking.

1. What you say:

weekendcat Source: Paradise

What you mean: I sat on my arse for two whole days and it was FANTASTIC. But for some reason a strange shame prevents me from telling you this.

2. What you say:

hummustub Source: Flickr/VeganBaking

What you mean: One of you took my tub of hummus and I want it back. I will burn ALL OF YOU. I WILL FIND MY HUMMUS.

3. What you say:

lunchmeeting Source: Flickr/Nana B Agyei

What you mean: You may have taken my lunch from me, but you will not take my freedom. I’m totally buying a gigantic messy sandwich and eating it in front of you.

4. What you say:

teaoffer Source: Flickr/David Roessli

What you mean: Say you’d like me to get you some tea. Go on. I DARE you.

5. What you say:

presentationspeak Source: Flickr/Tobias Toft

What you mean: I haven’t a clue. I just haven’t a clue, can you tell?

6. What you say:

wineandcheese Source: Flickr/Isabelle Puaut

What you mean: Wine and cheese evening in your house on Thursday? I WILL YEAH.

7. What you say:

coldhah Source: Shutterstock

What you mean: I can hear you sniffing over there. You better not infect me with your germs, Snotty. You will regret that.

8. What you say:

bosstalk Source: Flickr/Omega Man

What you mean: They want to kick me out, don’t they. DOOM! Doom and gloom. *O Fortuna plays*

Source: ingifrance/YouTube

What Does Your Email Signoff Say About You?>

The 12 most insufferable pieces of office jargon in existence>

Read next: