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Dublin: 8 °C Saturday 25 January, 2020

18 things you'll know too well if you're always fecking freezing

Oh everyone thinks they’re cold now, but they don’t know the truth.

1. You have blankets everywhere. An office blanket. A car blanket. A blanket for your blanket in case you’re not warm enough with just the one.

2. You’ve been known to sit at your desk completely shrouded in a blanket, like an old crone from a fairytale.

3. You own a selection of hot water bottles, microwaveable hotties, and those gel hand warmers. One can never have too many.

4. You also have an almost disturbing passion for these things. Maybe you could just marry one, like yer one who’s married to the Eiffel Tower?

812VRxICibL._SL1500_ Source: Amazon

5. Everybody’s always at you for wanting a bit of warmth in a place. You’ll turn on the heating if you bloody well feel like it!

6. But in fairness, you are always at everyone for letting in draughts and insisting on putting on the air conditioning.

7. Speaking of air conditioning – it’s your worst enemy and you wish it had never been invented.

8. And those people who go round opening the windows on the bus? Dead to you.

giphy Source: Giphy

9. You don’t have hands, you have little blue icicles.

10. You’re the worst person to sleep next to as your little blue icicle toes are always searching for any available warmth (which is usually found on someone else’s skin).

11. Every night, you come home and change into a warm uniform of fluffy socks, fleecy jammies, and a massive hoodie.

12. You will never renounce Uggs, or any Ugg-like shoe.

uggs Source: ASOS

13. If a scarf isn’t big enough to double as a blanket, then you don’t want to know about it.

14. You don’t understand ripped jeans, as a concept. Or how people can go around with their bare ankles out in December.

15. You have a couple of spaghetti-strap tops that act as vests… or you just went and got an actual vest. (Your mam was right about vests.)

16. You have committed the cardinal sin of sleeping in your socks. Multiple times. And you’re not a bit ashamed of it.

17. You’d rather leave the pub or restaurant than have to sit next to the door.

18. And anyone who dares to tell you that “It’s not that cold” will be forced to cower beneath your death glare. YOU DON’T FEEL WHAT WE FEEL.

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