ESSENTIAL VIEWING IN the 2000s was What Not To Wear, a makeover show where posh hosts Trinny and Susannah made women stand in a 360-degree mirror in their underwear and critique their bodies. What larks!
T and S were considered the oracle on fashion back in the day, but does the advice from their books and TV shows hold up now? Erm…
1. Take off your knickers for a day-to-night summer look
This was definitely said with tongue firmly in cheek, but still: What??
2. This right here is a ‘flattering’ outfit for the beach
Low-waisted, flat-fronted longer shorts are the most flattering shape to wear.
Slip-on trainers are comfortable and flattering to the foot.
Egregious misuse of the word ‘flattering’.
3. Wearing your hair down will prevent you getting cold ears
Or you could just wear a hat? Maybe?
4. If you’re going to be flashing your knickers in low rise jeans, wear a nice thong
Please think ahead in regards to knicker flashing.
5. A blazer and a long skirt is an ideal wedding outfit
Prepare to gag on her eleganza!
6. Unfitted, sleeveless tops make big boobs look like ‘badly made custard’
I mean, they just look like boobs to me… Oh excuse me, ‘udders’.
7. Boss ladies should avoid looking ‘severe’
Here’s how:
Stylish, imaginative accessories show a woman who makes time for the finer things in life… like shopping.
Riiiiight.
8. This is a good outfit for a job interview
The cat bag. The pigtails. TRINNY.
9. But at the same time, you should say no to childish hairstyles
Which is it, Trinny?! We’re all confused now.
10. And just… whatever is going on here
Wasn’t it great when we had Trinny and Susannah around to tell us that crop tops are inappropriate for work? How we’re managing now without them we’ll never know.
