Dublin: 11 °C Tuesday 21 March, 2023
# trump v clinton
If Trump vs. Clinton was happening in Ireland

First and foremost, Trump would have made his fortune from owning a group of supermarkets and would have seized control of the Rose of Tralee years ago

Miss USA 2013 AP / Press Association Images AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

And Hillary Clinton wouldn’t be bidding to be the first female president

First female president? Mary Robinson beat you to that title by about 16 years, Hillary.

President of Ireland anniversary PA Archive / Press Association Images PA Archive / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

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Trump’s campaign strategy would involve calling Ireland a “kip” and a “s**thole”


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And Hillary’s campaign slogan would be I’m With Your Woman


Trump’s preferred moniker for Hillary Clinton would be “Cute Hoor Hillary”


Instead of referring to Trump supporters as a “basket of deplorables,” Clinton would call them a “pack of wankers”

And Trump suporters would change their names to, like, “Wanker Seamus” and “Wanker Suzanne” to show their support for him.

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Hillary would make cameo appearances on Republic of Telly and Can’t Cope Won’t Cope to appeal to the YOUTHS

Hillary has an account with the hedge fund Aisling works for. The storyline writes itself.


Miriam O’Callaghan and Claire Byrne would moderate the presidential debates and ever so subtly tear lumps out of Trump

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Two women laying into Trump. *Something* tells us he wouldn’t take it very well.

And the debates themselves would be a little more… tepid

Instead of threatening to throw Hillary in jail over the deleted e-mails, Donald Trump would threaten her with a *gasp* tribunal.

Donald Trump’s interviews with Niamh Horan would come back to haunt him

Our Howard Stern.

The most contentious issue of the whole election, though? Putting up election posters early

Now that’s a true Irish election.

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