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The 12 unwritten rules of the girls' nightclub toilet

A sacred space.

THE NIGHTCLUB bathroom is a place where women can touch up their makeup and have a serious gossip without any distractions from the opposite sex.

However, just a few unofficial rules keep it from descending into absolute chaos.


1. Do. Not. Skip.

Oh, you’re bursting, are you? Join the club. Literally.

2. Have as many chats as you can

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You’ll meet some of the best people you’ll ever know in nightclub toilets. Sure, you may never see them again, but that’s part of the magic, isn’t it?

3. Sprinkle compliments like glitter

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The warming glow of a toilet queue compliment is unique and beautiful. Share the love.


4. No more than three to a cubicle

If you really can’t pee without a couple of friends standing above you, keep it to two plus yourself. Any more and it’s a game of human Tetris.

5. ALWAYS say “I’m not watching you pee”

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Even if you have your nose pressed against the door and your eyes thoroughly averted, say it anyway. Just for reassurance.

6. Cubicle gossip sessions should be limited to ten minutes

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Consider your fellow toilet-goers before you venture into Deep and Meaningful territory.

7. Crying is no excuse for cubicle-hogging

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Take it outside. Or home.

8. Don’t go round banging on the doors

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We’ll come out when we’re ready, you clown.


9. Neither a borrower nor a lender be

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Bang of conjunctivitis off that borrowed eyeliner, no? And do you really want to hand out your precious MAC lipgloss to all comers? Think about it.

10. The sink area is not your dressing table

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Want to know the easiest way to make enemies? Hog the mirror in the girls’ bathroom.

11. Go easy on the hair spray/perfume


No one wants or needs a mouthful of Elnett.

12. Tell a gal if there’s toilet paper on her shoe

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Or her zip is half open, or there’s lipstick on her sleeve… You’d want to know too, wouldn’t you?

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