EVEN THOUGH YOU’VE seen it about 1,916 times, there’s always something that draws you back to Michael Collins.
The grievous historical inaccuracies, maybe? The dulcet tones of Ned Broy saying “sir”?
You can’t put your finger on it, but it’s definitely worth a watch.
And you’ll always going through the same emotions:
1. It’s absolutely OK for any Irish person to hold a personal grudge against Jonathan Rhys Meyers
And that right should be recognised in law.
2. We’ll never forget his actions on the anniversary of Collins’ death
3. And, yes, even if the movie isn’t accurate you still blame Dev for everything
4. You’ll make a joke about Taken/Love Actually/Star Wars
Acceptable.
5. You just wish that Harry Boland and Mick would sit down and have a big old heart to heart and get over this shite once and for all
Ignore the historical nuances of civil war politics, a pint would have sorted everything out.
6. You’ll make a quip about Julia Roberts’ accent
7. And comment on the fact that they couldn’t find an Irish actress even though there was a rake of quality ones to choose from
8. It’s mandatory that you point out the historical inaccuracies based solely on your ‘Masters In The Michael Collins Wikipedia Page’ qualification you have
“That’s absolute bullsh*t”, as you ruefully shake your head and continue watching, engrossed.
9. You get riled up about everything, and you’re liable to be particularly touchy politically for about a week after
10. You wonder aloud if this so-called “Big Fella” was even that big at all. “How tall are we talking here?” *consults Wikipedia again*
11. You repeat this line when it’s said, every time
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12. You chuckle when you remember that Todd Unctious is in the film, even though it’s not the time nor the place
13. “Liam Neeson is genuinely quite scary when he gets going. Especially when he’s waving that sod of turf around”
14. “Jesus, Rickman really nailed the voice didn’t he?”
15. And then you give it a go, convinced you can do it too
“Peeeple of Ireland”
16. You have one final moan about Collins and Griffith being sent over to negotiate the treaty with Lloyd George
17. Then you have a big “what if Collins had stayed alive” chat with anyone who’ll listen
Read the Wiki again.
18. And finally curse out Jonathan Rhys Meyers for his important role in Irish history
Repeat watch every few months for guaranteed satisfaction.
