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Dublin: 2 °C Saturday 14 December, 2019
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What Percent Gwyneth Paltrow Are You?

You’ll never compete with Gwyneth in terms of notions.

PA-1618702 (1)

1. Have you ever done something genuinely very painful for the sake of beauty? (We're not talking about pain that lasts a split second from waxing here, we mean something that still hurt you for hours/days afterwards).
KUWTK/E
Yeah, I do shit like that all of the time, tbh. I don't mind, it's always worth it in the end.
Yeah, once or twice.

Never, but I'd like to try it.
I would never bother.
2. Are you vegan?
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Yep!
Vegetarian.

No, but I wish I could be vegan. I don't have the disclipine.
No, and I'd never go vegan.
3. Have you ever cut gluten out of your diet?
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Yep, I'm a fully certified coeliac.
Yeah, just to see if it improved my health.

I'm one of those people who pretends to be gluten intolerant.
Nah.
4. How much do you earn a year?
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Under €25,000.
€26,000 - 36,000

€36,000 - €65,000
€66,000
5. Which of the following treatments sounds most appealing to you?
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A Thai 'slap' massage
A colonoscopy

Vagina steaming
Bird poop facial
6. Would you ever buy crystals, healing oil, incense, etc?
Dervish
Yeah, I've bought one or all of the above.
I buy incense just for the smell.

Why would anyone buy any of that?
No, but I could see myself making a purchase like that some day.
7. Would/have you ever taken any kind of psychedelic drug?
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Yeah, I've done it more than once. It's class!
I did it once or twice, and I won't bother again.

I haven't tried, but I wouldn't mind doing it some day.
No way, not a chance.
8. Have you ever consumed an item of food that was marketed in a way that really highlighted the fact that in contained turmeric?
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Yeah, I go out of my way to buy things with turmeric in them. I love it.
Ah yeah, of course.

Probably? Not sure.
I'm a bit of a picky eater, so I doubt it.
9. What's your opinion on polyamory or consensual non-monogamy?
What does that even mean?
Oh God, wouldn't be for me. I'm far too jealous.

I'm not currently interested in it, but I wouldn't completely rule it out in future.
It's fantastic.
10. When's the last time you did a kegel?
Wikihow
I don't even know what that is.
Within the last year.

Within the last month.
Within the last week.
Answer all the questions to see your result!
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You scored out of !
100%
You're as Gwyneth Paltrow as humanly possible. How did you even find the time to do this quiz between yoga classes and trips to Avoca with your poorly behaved children who you don't ever punish because you don't want to inhibit their creativity?
Share your result:
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You scored out of !
74%
You are very Gwyneth Paltrow. You've been around the block. You've done a couple of yoga classes and read a couple of books about tantra, but thankfully you aren't too insufferable about it.
Share your result:
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You scored out of !
36%
You're only a tiny bit like Gwyneth Paltrow. You'll either be very disappointed or pleased about this result. If you want to be more like her, try pay to be stung by bees and take at least four more yoga classes a week. Preferably a yoga class with a weird twist, like yoga on LSD or something.
Share your result:
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You scored out of !
3%
You're so normal. You're really not a bit like aul Gwyneth at all.
Share your result:

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About the author:

Kelly Earley

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