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21 memories that are too real for anyone who's worked retail at Christmas

Christmas cheer? It’s not in here.


1. Putting Christmas stock on the shelves in October and feeling like you’ve betrayed humankind

2. Listening to customers complain that Christmas comes “earlier and earlier each year” approximately 30 times per day. That’s fascinating, Margaret. Tell me more

3. Seeing the newbies brought in for the Christmas period and thinking “TURN BACK! RUN AWAY! THERE’S STILL TIME!”

4. Being the newbie brought in for the Christmas period, delighted to get started on your new job. Ha

5. Those precious few moments before the shop opens, when everything is calm, quiet and clean

6. Surveying the destruction at noon and wondering “What HAPPENED here?”

7. Having your fill of Christmas songs by December 3rd

8. Hearing Slade for the 600th time that day and praying for the sweet release of death every time Noddy Holder launches into “IT’S CHRIIIIIIIISTMAAAAASS!”

slade-merry-xmas-everybody-1973-6 Guitarshoptv Guitarshoptv

9. Three words: The Christmas roster

10. The clamour at the message board as everyone who hasn’t booked it off checks to see if they’re in on Stephen’s Day

11. Finding out you’re in on Stephen’s Day

12. Dealing with the smug f**ks who booked off Stephen’s Day in March

13. Knowing that the time you’re supposed to ‘clock off’ is meaningless

14. And a full lunch hour? It’s an illusion

15. Having to tell a customer something isn’t in stock, and them responding like you’ve personally stamped all over their Christmas

16. Going to ‘check the stockroom’ (ie. stand in the cool, quiet stockroom for exactly five minutes, thinking about running away)

17. Customers being all sympathetic because you’re in on Christmas Eve. Like they aren’t the exact people who put you there

18. Watching people panic-buy multiples of everything, even though you’re only closed for one day

19. Getting a sick satisfaction from observing the last minute present-buyers flouncing around

giphy Giphy Giphy

20. Closing the doors on Christmas Eve and feeling as if you’ve just run a marathon

21. But it isn’t over yet. Oh no. For when you come back, they’ll be handing you stickers to put on everything for the January sales. JOY TO THE F**KING WORLD

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